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Most likely fiction......😉

Bruce Springsteen is New Spokesperson for Peyronie’s Disease

Bruce Springsteen is New Spokesperson for Peyronie’s Disease

Bruce Springsteen has confirmed that he is the new spokesperson for Peyronie’s Disease. Springsteen told Howard Stern that he has suffered from the disease for many years and wants to help others impacted from it. The print ads feature Bruce and an actress portraying his wife Patti Scialfa. Patti refused to appear in the embarrassing ads.

Peyronie’s disease is a connective tissue disorder involving the growth of fibrous plaques in the soft tissue of the penis. Specifically, scar tissue forms in the tunica albuginea, the thick sheath of tissue surrounding the corpora cavernosa, causing pain, abnormal curvature, erectile dysfunction, indentation, loss of girth and shortening. It is estimated to affect between 20 to 30% of men. The condition becomes more common with age.

Shock Therapy

Peyronie’s is often caused by repeated sexual trauma or injury during deviant unnatural sexual acts or physical activity. Risk factors include diabetes, penile trauma, smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, low sperm count and European heritage. There is currently no cure but some say wearing a brace or electric shock therapy has been effective. 

Bruce Springsteen is New Spokesperson for Peyronie’s Disease

Bruce broke down in tears when he described the shame and embarrassment that his curve has caused him over the years. “I hang left” cried Bruce. Stern then declared that he too suffers from the syndrome and he also hangs left. 

Freaky Stuff

Springsteen explained that he got the disorder back in the 1980s in Los Angeles. “There was a lot of freaky stuff going on back then. Tom Hanks and I used to play a game called Rochambeau. The game consists of us kicking each other in the nuts repeatedly until one of us gives up. That couldn’t have been good for my privates.”

Other sufferers include Dee Snider, Sebastian Bach, Steven Van Zandt and Jon Bon Jovi. Springsteen is planning a Peyronie’s awareness fundraiser concert for New Year’s Eve. Tickets are $5000 each and entitles you to entrance to the concert plus you get to play Rochambeau with the Boss. 

 

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And even more Madhouse creativity....

Norman Greenbaum Will Perform Spirit in the Sky at Your Funeral for $99

Norman Greenbaum Will Perform Spirit in the Sky at Your Funeral for $99

Singer Norman Greenbaum will perform his hit song “Spirit in the Sky” at your funeral for only $99. The one hit wonder from 1969 is one of the most requested songs at funerals so Greenbaum decided to make some money from it. 

Greenbaum released “Spirit in the Sky” in 1969 and it became a huge hit all over the world. Norman was never able to recapture the lightning in a bottle and the song was his only hit. “Spirit” is considered by many to be the greatest one hit wonder of all time. 

Thanks Buddy

Greenbaum, who was raised Jewish, got the idea for the song when he was watching Porter Wagoner sing a gospel song on The Glen Campbell show. “I can do that” yelled Greenbaum. “So I got up and wrote the song in 15 minutes. I immediately went into the studio to lay it down. It was not working because I tried it as a jug band song and a folk song but it sounded lame as you can imagine. The producer had the idea for the fuzz guitar, psychedelic sound and gospel backup singers. He deserves all the money but he only got paid $500 for the session. I became a millionaire. Thanks buddy.”

Norman Greenbaum Will Perform Spirit in the Sky at Your Funeral for $99

Greenbaum added, “I was reading an article that my song is the second most requested song at funerals. The first is ‘I Used To Love Her But I Had to Kill Her’ by Guns n Roses. I knew I had to figure out way to capitalize on this. Then it came to me, hey I can just hire yself out to perform the song live at your funeral.”

Ch Ching

Norman continued, “I have created an empire from this one song. I sold my publishing rights a long time ago but I get performer royalties every time the song is played. You hear that, I just made five grand. Bam, there it goes again, ten grand, Ch Ching. Remember when that band Dr & The Medics covered the song in the eighties. A bunch of snotty boys in lipstick made me another ten million.”

“So for $99 and $1 per mile I will come to your funeral and sing the song. What could be better than that? It almost makes dying worth it. The beauty is that since no one knows what I look like, once this really takes off, I can farm out singers all over the world to pretend to be me. Yeah I am a one hit wonder, but guess what? Most people are no hit wonders. See you on the other side buddy.”

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Producer: "Tell me about the band you discovered." Agent: "They sound amazing and they're unlike anything you've ever heard." Producer: "Sounds terrific. Tell me about the lead singer." Agent: "He's actually a drummer, but we moved him to lead vocal. He can't really carry a tune, he has myopia and a learning disability, and he doesn't enunciate his words and he lacks anything resembling eloquence." Producer: "Uh, and he's the lead singer, you said?" Agent: "Absolutely." Producer: "I assume he's charismatic." Agent: "Does that mean tall, geeky, introverted, and enigmatic?" Producer: "Not even close." Agent: "Then no." Producer: "What about the lead guitarist?" Agent: "There isn't one." Producer: "And this is a ROCK band, right?" Agent: "They have a rhythm guitarist and he only knows three chords." Producer: "And you signed these guys?" Agent: "On the spot. Their bass player writes amazing lyrics." Producer: "Oh, okay. He's a poet, is he?" Agent: "Not at all. His songs are about beating on kids, dysfunctional families, and mental disorders, and many of the songs sound fascist." Producer: "Please tell me I'm being Punk'd." Agent: "Kind of. We're calling this new sound punk rock." Producer: "I can see why. Who's the drummer?" Agent: "He's a producer, actually, he doesn't even like drumming." Producer: "You're so fired. Get out of my office and take those.. those..." Agent: "Ramones." Producer: "Take those Ramones with you."

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26 minutes ago, django49 said:

whip cool.jpg

"Greasy smell of fried chicken, wafting out thru the air."

"Up ahead in the distance, I saw a big neon light....

My head was heavy, my stomach growled,

I had to stop for a bite"

Well, that gives you a flavor of my demented cover tunes......

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