Is it time to give up?

C

copper blue

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I been thinking over the last few weeks that nothing is going my way in regards to playing music. I've been thru so many false starts and projects that fall thru, that I'm at my wits end. The last is really straw that broke the camels back and I'm having a really hard time with it..

After months and months of emails with people that went nowhere, a few sessions that just fell apart, I lucked into another guy who wanted to do the same kind of band as I did. A country-rock/alt.country vibe that went very well with the first 3 practices and we were working up a setlist of covers and a few originals...

Then the singer/guitar player guy goes and signs on with a friend of his doing almost the exact same thing. I don't begrudge the guy, cos he's a great guy and this is a paying gig..so off he went.

Now..where do I stand? I've searched every possible net Musicians Wanted, Craigslist, HC..nothing..not a goddamn thing in my area. It's absolutely maddening..

So here I stand..at the crossroads of my music life and I'm not sure what direction to turn. It's frustrating at the least and depressing at the most..

Anyone care to talk me down from the ledge?

thanks for letting me vent..

Rob

 
Oh, welcome to my world!

I had it with drunks, posers, liars, thieves, and dipshits, but I never gave up hope. I put aside the last five years to pursue some other things, but now I am open for starting something again. There are some good players that I know that will one day jam with me again.

You, too, know good people who will cross your path again and again over the years. New people will move to town. New players will emerge. It is frustrating in the short term, but nothing is over yet in the long run.

Do you want to be an immediate rock star? Are you worried about your window of opportunity to be a young player? Paul Dean was 38 when the first Loverboy album debuted.

 
It can be tough, I think you just have to stay out there.

Talk to people every chance you get, I found a bass player once from BSing with my guitar tech, ya never know. Hang around music stores a bit, put a couple tear away signs up, put a couple of your own ads on craigslist etc...

It sounds cliche, but its not that different from finding a girl or a real job...they're out there, ya just have to poke around until you find the right one.

Hope the $.02 helps...

 
When I am going through this... I just take the time to write and hit the woodshed.... I find it's harder to write when in a band ... so this get's my "portfolio" updated and expanded....

Hang in there....

 
"Flint, Michigan !!! You expect me to move to f%ing Flint, f%ing Michigan so YOU can play in some f%ing country-rock/alt f%ing whatever band? And I suppose the winter gigs are in the lovely f%ing U.P." That woman of mine, what a way with words, eh?

Buddy......this is gonna be one helluva tough sell to my wife. You better have one butt kickin relocation and health benefits package. /emoticons/default_cool.png

So whatcha got?

noonan

 
If your definition of playing music, is playing in a band then, yes it can be extremely difficult. Fortunately, there are other avenues to playing music though, recording being one of those. I am currently in a killer band sistuation but, that was not the case for many years. I had gotten tired of club owners, playing cover tunes, personality conflicts, people not able to make practice and all of the usual things associated with being in a band. It finally got to the point where I just did everything myself so I could be totally independant and create music. To me there is a lot of satisfaction in doing that. So, maybe it's time to take a break from the band scene to get creative, writing and recording original material? That keeps you up to speed and you can always test the water for new leads.

 
My advice? Say "The hell with it!!" Just hang it up. Stomp around the place, yell and cuss, and start wrapping your brain around the idea and getting comfortable with it. As soon as you do, something great will come along.

This technique worked for me in not only getting into a fun band that lasted a good number of years, but also worked with respect to women. After a long period of being single and unattached (despite my best efforts) and not digging it all that much, Most Esteemed Redhead pretty much dropped out of the sky and into my life.

Try it. What the hell, you have nothing to lose and you can always change your mind.

 
If the scene in Flint or surrounding area has local bands and venues that you like I would go out and see bands and start being seen, networking, meeting people. I have tried using on-line and print classifieds in the past 15 years and not one good lead... everyone I've ever played with has been through making relationships seeing other bands at clubs, meeting people, friends and jams (even HFC jams!!). If you want to do it, don't give up.

 
or......you could give up like me. Get married, have kids and move on. It's not as bad as it sounds. I have a great wife with two beautiful kids and a nice house. I have a little basement studio that's soundproofed, and I play whenever I want. And sometimes, maybe I'll have a friend come over and we could jam. But that hardly happens anymore.

The days of playing out are long over. The days of going to band practice is long over too. As I tell my kids, Daddy's gotta make money for his honey's.

All I have left is my memories. /emoticons/default_cool.png

 
Paul Dean was 38 when the first Loverboy album debuted.
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I can think of few better reasons than this to give up if you haven't made it by the time you're 38! /emoticons/default_cool.png

 
or......you could give up like me. Get married, have kids and move on. It's not as bad as it sounds. I have a great wife with two beautiful kids and a nice house. I have a little basement studio that's soundproofed, and I play whenever I want. And sometimes, maybe I'll have a friend come over and we could jam. But that hardly happens anymore.The days of playing out are long over. The days of going to band practice is long over too.
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I find myself closing in on this.

I care less and less about playing out and actually do not look foward to the hassle involved with lugging crap around and dealing with the whole "club scene". At 40, with a good career, nice house, beautiful wife and little girl, I don't feel very "punk", either. Plus, with the type of music we play, there's never been a lot of money to offset the work, so it's always been for fun. Well, if the fun's not there...

I've been looking to hook up with these other guys and do the cover band thing just to keep playing, because if I'm not practicing with a band, I don't even pickup a guitar anymore. It has been fun playing around with my new effects box, though.

But as far as Copper's situation goes, I tend to agree with Jettster and TomT, just hang loose and take some time to write some songs and woodshed. Sometimes, the ol' "A watched pot never boils" is true. When I was single, I always had the best luck when I was sick of women and was just going to be single for a while.

 
Definitely use the downtime to practice.

I did that for about 20 years.

Now I'm in a good band having to alot of fun. It helps to have your brain in the proper place.

 
Very interesting thread. I'm a rocker at 38 with a baby son so I can relate to the comments about people hanging it up. It's so odd... I also have a great house, family, terrific daytime career. When a booker approaches us to play a crummy gig that pays almost nothing and I turn it down they act insulted. It's like, if you're going to be gigging, the assumption is that you're a starving moron. That's what wears thin on me. So....don't worry...gigging aint all roses, either.

Play if you enjoy it. Woodshedding is fun for me so that keeps me going. As far as meeting other musicians who are worth a damn - give up on the Craig's List/classifieds - it don't work. Mutual friends and word of mouth are just about the only way to do it, based on my experience. Placing an ad is a joke.

I can totally understand the urge to hang it up. You only got one life. Do what makes you happy.

 
Get out and start checking out local bands. They always have friends of friends who play. Start woodshedding and if you start networking with more local musicians you will find yourself in a band in no time.

my .02

-MattB

 
Fortunately, there are other avenues to playing music though, recording being one of those. I am currently in a killer band sistuation but, that was not the case for many years. I had gotten tired of club owners, playing cover tunes, personality conflicts, people not able to make practice and all of the usual things associated with being in a band. It finally got to the point where I just did everything myself so I could be totally independant and create music. To me there is a lot of satisfaction in doing that. So, maybe it's time to take a break from the band scene to get creative, writing and recording original material?
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Ditto for me.

I picked up the guitar at the tender age of 48, after a min-stroke left my left lower fingers at 1/2 strength (so I play most things with 2 fingers). I've been writing all my life and after the stroke figured if I'm going to get it produced, then the man in the mirror is responsible for getting off his butt and doing it the way he wants it done.

You got no problems (compared to many (neither do I). Use the time to create new music or learn new chords, riffs, sequences, etc.

Good luck.

 
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