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Dutchman

You Know You’re old When___\__\__

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All the ballrooms you rocked in are tore down

all the bars you rocked in are tore down

the hot chicks are now grandmothers

the new guitar you bought in your 1st band is now considered vintage collectable

your children are older than you where when you where touring

now I really would need a sock in my jeans

there’s some of mine!!! Feel free to add !!

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Posted (edited)

I know I’m old because my wife always wants to talk during sex. Last night she called me from a hotel.

My wife and I were really very happy for twenty years, then we met...

You know you’re old when you’re wife has to retake her drivers test. She got eight out of ten. The other two jumped out of the way.

She’s really a great driver though. She hit a deer once, it was in the zoo.

You know you’re  old when your wife’s cooking is so bad, that the flies fix the screens.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years though. Really,  I don’t  want to interrupt her. 

I told our kids about the birds and the bees, they told me about my wife and the butcher...

It’s real exciting when you both get old. My wife made me join her bridge club. I jump next Tuesday.

Edited by gtrdaddy
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...I look in the mirror.

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.....15W is plenty loud.

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When you fart dust~ 😆

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8 hours ago, gtrdaddy said:

I know I’m old because my wife always wants to talk during sex. Last night she called me from a hotel.

My wife and I were really very happy for twenty years, then we met...

You know you’re old when you’re wife has to retake her drivers test. She got eight out of ten. The other two jumped out of the way.

She’s really a great driver though. She hit a deer once, it was in the zoo.

You know you’re  old when your wife’s cooking is so bad, that the flies fix the screens.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years though. Really,  I don’t  want to interrupt her. 

I told our kids about the birds and the bees, they told me about my wife and the butcher...

It’s real exciting when you both get old. My wife made me join her bridge club. I jump next Tuesday.

You are ready for prime time! 

 

 

 

Whose jokes are those? 

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1 minute ago, Steve Haynie said:

Whose jokes are those? 

My hero, the one and only Mr. Dangerfield.

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1 hour ago, Dave Scepter said:

When you fart and hope it's dust~ 😆

Fixed.

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Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, Studio Custom said:

Doing something you used to love to do is too much effort now. 

That, or hurts too much afterwards!

Edited by gtrdaddy
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Going out drinking and bar hopping. I was a pro at this for so many years. Really, a pro. I could hold my liquer with the best of them. Could almost always do and think business when drunk. Represent, being out there. Worked in a cool biz for years. Out there several nights a week, representing.

I stopped getting drunk 12 years ago when I became a father. I haven't stopped drinking. I love to drink. I just don't drink much these days. I stopped getting drunk because I could no longer lay in bed or in the sofa until two p.m. watching a movie, let the hangover wear off. I had a baby, I needed to be up at six. And a was irritated and angry when I had a hangover. I got so embarassed with myself when I became irritated on my son for crying, because I had a hang over. So I just stopped drinking, right there and then. Easy decision.

But these days, I get so damn tired from alcohol these days. That makes me feel really old. It used to give me energy to stay up all night. Now it gets me tired (most of the time). So that is the reason I don't drink these days. I rather go to the gym our out running. And I like to be up early, to busy to sleep all day. 

Still like to drink though... one whiskey, perhaps two. Or two, three glasses of wine. A couple of evenings a week. But not more than that. I'm just not built for it anymore.

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You walk by a club and they don't hand you a flyer.

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Posted (edited)

...you remember when Tree Fitty wasn't just a running joke on the HFC.

Edited by crunchee
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1 hour ago, gtrdaddy said:

That, or hurts too much afterwards!

You know you're old when you used to look forward to eating hot chicken wings😆

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Seems I watch the Weather Channel just for fun. When watching the History Channel I realize about 80% of what they are showing happened in my lifetime. Oh, and I avoid mirrors and having my picture taken. 

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The hair growing from your ears is longer than the hair on your head.

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Other Dangerfield "old" profundities:

"I walked past the cemetery and two guys started chasing me with shovels."

"I'm so old, to me, 'shootin' up' means the enema bag."

"You know you're really old when your family talks about you in front of you...'Whaddaya wanna do with Pop?'

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When your wife's snoring put's you to sleep.

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3 hours ago, hamerhead said:

.....15W is plenty loud.

I represent that!  Ever since I bought HFC member Fractal's 18-watt Mojotone Marshall head clone build a few years back, I got rid of all my 50-watt+ amps, and bought a couple of VHT 18-watt TMB Marshall clone heads to replace them...plus I got 'em on clearance, and being cheap never goes out of style.  I don't play away from home anymore, so it's all I really need.

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When you notice wrinkles that weren't there yesterday.

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when you start looking at the salad options on the menu instead of the burgers. 

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When you use your AARP card for the 4 pm early bird dinner specials!

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1 hour ago, Jfritts said:

The hair growing from your ears is longer than the hair on your head.

I’m envious. Seems the hair that disappeared from my head is growing rather well on my back and ass. 

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27 minutes ago, Carl.B said:

When you use your AARP card for the 4 pm early bird dinner specials!

...or the 1PM matinee.

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Posted (edited)
14 minutes ago, princeofdarkness56 said:

I’m envious. Seems the hair that disappeared from my head is growing rather well on my back and ass. 

Pics or it didn't happen!

Edited by Studio Custom
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