HamerCustomEr Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Growing up in the band scene in Toronto, Canada, I always dreamed of playing the Horseshoe Tavern, the most prestigious bar gig in our country. Anybody who has come out of Canada has played The 'Shoe, including Blue Rodeo, the Tragically Hip, Amanda Marshall, and Bryan Adams... Even the Rolling Stones have played there, and Melissa Etheridge too. Anyway, after coming close to a gig there in the 1990s (that is another story), I finally got a Friday night show there in 2001! I was so excited! Aside from the fact that nothing ever came of the gig, and that after the show started, it was just like playing any other crowded venue, I do have one memorable story to share with you. The Green Room (where the bands warm up and hang out before the show) has a well-known wall where all the bands that have ever been there write their names down in permanent marker. The drummer of my band was VERY proud of the fact that he had been there with a previous band, and he had written their name down on the wall. He was even MORE proud of the fact that he had thought of the band-name himself. He told me this on many different occasions, although he probably didn't realize this, because his short-term memory was bad because of the drugs. Anyway, the band name of which he was so proud? Wait for it... Pizza Mind. "Do you get it?", he would ask me each time he told the story. "Yes I get it," I told him, inwardly thinking, "More like PIzza Sh#t! What a terrible name for a band!" Anyway, since that day, I have been compiling a list of terrible band names (not real bands, just names that I think of that are innocuous to look at, but sound funny). By the way, thanks to RobB, whose recent comment in diablo175 thread on "New Music--Finally" inspired this thread. Here are some of my favourites. Let me know if you want more. Piston Mouth (Please read this one aloud to yourself. It is my personal best, I think.) Cheese Pot (sound this out if necessary) Inner Heinous Bone or Flesh? Rocksucker Mouth Trap Version Ears Trance Actual Jenn Nytol Mullet Over (a good idea for an 80s tribute?) Deaf Leotard (another 80s tribute?) Ear Wreck Shin Tear-A-Bully Illiteration Son of Habitual Pork Avenue Polka Dot Whore (probably only Canadians will get this reference) Oui Knee Fee Seize Pukulele Cork Sucker Urine Trouble Even the Awed (maybe I should use this one for real?) Anyway, please let me know your favourite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killerteddybear Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 8 minutes ago, HamerCustomEr said: Polka Dot Whore (probably only Canadians will get this reference) Poke a Daughter? And why did I think of Anne Murray when I read this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dasein Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Not in the exact same vein, but my Dad kept trying to convince me when I was younger to name our band "Sky".... It's not just that Sky was lame, and probably taken already by 1000 lame assed bands, it was the fact he thought it was the greatest band name in the world..... He'd come in my studio while we were playing and we'd all stop --- and he hold his hands up and wave them about saying "Sky... Sky...." while we rolled our eyes. This went on for years and years through several bands... That said --- one of the worst names I ever heard was a friend's punk band in the mid to later 80's... called "Fetus on Toast".... inspired by the Day glow Abortions. EDIT: Just checked --- they were called "Abortions on Toast" AOT.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crunchee Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 My favorite choice for naming a Punk band: "The Raging Sh!ts". Problem is, nobody would sign the band, or buy their music or merch, because nobody wants to get or have "The Raging Sh!ts". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diablo175 Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 In college I formed a casual band and as a goof and a nod to the absurd, called ourselves Ball Bearing Salad. The drummer was irate and insisted we change it to Ruckus. I'm not sure which was worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Haynie Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 If I should ever be in an 80s cover band, Mullet Over is the name I plan on stealing. Thank you, HamerCustomEr. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biz Prof Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Colonel Angus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hamerhead Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biz Prof Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Since we're on the topic of wordplay in naming things: Several years ago, Elon University, a private college located between Chapel Hill and Greensboro here in NC, chose to rebrand its athletic teams. They had, since the schools' founding, been the "Fighting Christian(s)" and while they desperately sought relevance amongst the millennial set, they wanted the new name/mascot to have at least a tangential connection to the institution's Christian roots. In order to generate ideas for a new brand, university officials solicited ideas from students, alumni, the community at-large, etc. Here, I saw an opportunity for Elon to achieve its goal while becoming a merchandising juggernaut, even though I had virtually no connection to the school outside of living in the same state. I wrote a formal letter to the athletic director and president, suggesting a mascot that would project an aggressive, warrior-like image whilst simultaneously nodding to its Christian origins. "Visualize St. Peter at the gates of heaven, learning forward in front of a gilded gate and clutching a long, golden staff. Your teams would heretofore represent God's sentry of the portal to one's eternal reward. Your teams would be the Elon Gated Peters. Millions of people nationwide, perhaps worldwide, would celebrate your rebranding by purchasing shirts, hoodies, hats, you name it--all of it proclaiming their earnest and enthusiastic support of the Elon Gated Peters." For some reason, I never received as much as a reply to my suggestion. And the university renamed its teams the "Phoenix." Now, Elon is a pretty good school, but I damn sure don't see anyone outside of that part of the state wearing any "Phoenix" gear. An opportunity, missed. There's a lot in a name, you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kizanski Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 "The Kiz Directive"-Ed Rechts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommy p Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 There was a southern rock band around Richmond, VA called Dixie Wrecked, and another local guy wrote a song called The Burnin' You're In. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAMERMAN Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 I'm actually kind of liking "Colonel Angus" and "The Kiz Directive"! 🙂 My latest band is still searching for a name and the other day our drummer suggested "Spiced Honey". Searching for a name is sort of a running joke at this point so we are throwing out awful names on purpose all the time so I just assumed this was another one of those. Turns out he was serious. I told him that sounds more like a ham flavor than a band name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killerteddybear Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Kid Pimple and The Running Sores (for your kids' teen band) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dutchman Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 My 1st band’s name was “Hot Ice” I had no choice in the name and was in the 6th grade!! Hated the name, But loved being in a “real band” that had gig’s. The gig’s where for the Jr High “Mixer’s” We did so well we where hired by the High School entertainment committee for after game “Grooves” (This WAS the 60’s) It was fun and I got to meet a lot of older girl’s.... BONUS!!! I wish I still had my Wah peddle from back then!! I have not found one yet that sounded as good as that one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HamerCustomEr Posted September 30, 2020 Author Share Posted September 30, 2020 11 hours ago, killerteddybear said: Poke a Daughter? And why did I think of Anne Murray when I read this? Sorry, that's not it, but you are definitely creative! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velorush Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 We were (for one show in college) Josh <last name, I can't remember> and the Redneck Rythym Rangers. Meh... We were going to be Josh <last name, I can't remember> and the Toxic Shocks, but given ladies were dying of TSS back then, it was deemed by more sensitive people as being in poor taste. And so, political correctness began... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tommy p Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 20 hours ago, velorush said: We were (for one show in college) Josh <last name, I can't remember> and the Redneck Rythym Rangers. Meh... We were going to be Josh <last name, I can't remember> and the Toxic Shocks, but given ladies were dying of TSS back then, it was deemed by more sensitive people as being in poor taste. And so, political correctness began... Ah, yes, the dreaded "and the" names. When I was in college, these were three campus bands: Ottoman and the Turks Johnny Sportcoat and the Casuals Johnny Carburetor and the Sparkplugs There was a Van Halen tribute band in VA years ago who all wore dress shirts called Van Heusen. We also had a Brown Sabbath. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
django49 Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 WAY back, our band leader (lead guitar, some keys) was of partial Greek descent, formally named Demetrius. He hated it. Went by his middle name (Pete). I suggested Demetrius and the Gladiators. It did not go over well. Johnny always seemed to work in band names. A rather punk lead singer I played behind for a short while in L.A. insisted upon Johnny Pop Static. I still have a poster of that somewhere. A vision she was in all black leather......NOT. Unlike the drummer's GF, who actually had abundant curves..... Many years later, in some circles, maybe Baldy and the Hair Plugz would be appropriate...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobB Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 5 minutes ago, django49 said: I suggested Demetrius and the Gladiators. It did not go over well. I can see why. Gladiators were a Roman thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cynic Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 13 hours ago, killerteddybear said: Poke a Daughter? And why did I think of Anne Murray when I read this? "Stay alert, walk tall, carry mace, take self-defence classes & don’t dress like a whore" The very best quote to come out of that whole story is "nice ascot, slut" but you'll have to go here for context. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
django49 Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 5 minutes ago, RobB said: I can see why. Gladiators were a Roman thing. Besides, he refused to wear the helmet......It would have clashed with his Buddy Holly-style glasses...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velorush Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 42 minutes ago, tommy p said: We also had a Brown Sabbath. Dude! One of my favorite YouTube video series is the (band called) Brownout "Brown Sabbath" sessions. Amazing Sabs covers! Just search Brown Sabbath - there are several videos. I love this stuff! Sabs with horns (brass, not ambloyistickeratin) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
killerteddybear Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 1 hour ago, cynic said: "Stay alert, walk tall, carry mace, take self-defence classes & don’t dress like a whore" The very best quote to come out of that whole story is "nice ascot, slut" but you'll have to go here for context. I'd missed this. Krista Ford is Canada's Ivanka? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArnieZ Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Friend's band from college electric Dick Smith and the Dancing Dildos😁 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Shark Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 Sam Alabaster and Seven Plastered Bastards... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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