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Growing up in the band scene in Toronto, Canada, I always dreamed of playing the Horseshoe Tavern, the most prestigious bar gig in our country.  Anybody who has come out of Canada has played The 'Shoe, including Blue Rodeo, the Tragically Hip, Amanda Marshall, and Bryan Adams... Even the Rolling Stones have played there, and Melissa Etheridge too.

Anyway, after coming close to a gig there in the 1990s (that is another story), I finally got a Friday night show there in 2001!  I was so excited!  Aside from the fact that nothing ever came of the gig, and that after the show started, it was just like playing any other crowded venue, I do have one memorable story to share with you.

The Green Room (where the bands warm up and hang out before the show) has a well-known wall where all the bands that have ever been there write their names down in permanent marker.  The drummer of my band was VERY proud of the fact that he had been there with a previous band, and he had written their name down on the wall.  He was even MORE proud of the fact that he had thought of the band-name himself.  He told me this on many different occasions, although he probably didn't realize this, because his short-term memory was bad because of the drugs.

Anyway, the band name of which he was so proud?
Wait for it...
Pizza Mind.  
"Do you get it?", he would ask me each time he told the story.  
"Yes I get it," I told him, inwardly thinking, "More like PIzza Sh#t!  What a terrible name for a band!"

Anyway, since that day, I have been compiling a list of terrible band names (not real bands, just names that I think of that are innocuous to look at, but sound funny).  By the way, thanks to RobB, whose recent comment in diablo175 thread on "New Music--Finally" inspired this thread.

Here are some of my favourites.  Let me know if you want more.

Piston Mouth (Please read this one aloud to yourself.  It is my personal best, I think.)

Cheese Pot  (sound this out if necessary)

Inner Heinous

Bone or Flesh?

Rocksucker

Mouth Trap

Version Ears

Trance Actual

Jenn Nytol

Mullet Over (a good idea for an 80s tribute?)

Deaf Leotard (another 80s tribute?)

Ear Wreck Shin

Tear-A-Bully

Illiteration

Son of Habitual

Pork Avenue

Polka Dot Whore (probably only Canadians will get this reference)

Oui Knee

Fee Seize

Pukulele

Cork Sucker

Urine Trouble

Even the Awed (maybe I should use this one for real?)

Anyway, please let me know your favourite. 

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....and the ultimate shitty band name: Uranusisheinous

If I should ever be in an 80s cover band, Mullet Over is the name I plan on stealing.  Thank you, HamerCustomEr. 

Well, we kept trying to think of names and nothing worked.  316 for the road we lived on,  Sexton, cause the two brothers were named Sexton. LimpCrank,  and other various bad names.  Eventually, we ju

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Not in the exact same vein, but my Dad kept trying to convince me when I was younger to name our band "Sky".... It's not just that Sky was lame, and probably taken already by 1000 lame assed bands, it was the fact he thought it was the greatest band name in the world..... He'd come in my studio while we were playing and we'd all stop --- and he hold his hands up and wave them about saying "Sky... Sky...." while we rolled our eyes. This went on for years and years through several bands...

 

That said --- one of the worst names I ever heard was a friend's punk band in the mid to later 80's... called "Fetus on Toast".... inspired by the Day glow Abortions.

 

EDIT: Just checked --- they were called "Abortions on Toast" AOT....

 

Edited by Dasein
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In college I formed a casual band and as a goof and a nod to the absurd, called ourselves Ball Bearing Salad. The drummer was irate and insisted we change it to Ruckus. I'm not sure which was worse.

 

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Since we're on the topic of wordplay in naming things:  Several years ago, Elon University, a private college located between Chapel Hill and Greensboro here in NC, chose to rebrand its athletic teams. They had, since the schools' founding, been the "Fighting Christian(s)" and while they desperately sought relevance amongst the millennial set, they wanted the new name/mascot to have at least a tangential connection to the institution's Christian roots.  In order to generate ideas for a new brand, university officials solicited ideas from students, alumni, the community at-large, etc. 

Here, I saw an opportunity for Elon to achieve its goal while becoming a merchandising juggernaut, even though I had virtually no connection to the school outside of living in the same state. I wrote a formal letter to the athletic director and president, suggesting a mascot that would project an aggressive, warrior-like image whilst simultaneously nodding to its Christian origins.  "Visualize St. Peter at the gates of heaven, learning forward in front of a gilded gate and clutching a long, golden staff.  Your teams would heretofore represent God's sentry of the portal to one's eternal reward.   Your teams would be the Elon Gated Peters.  Millions of people nationwide, perhaps worldwide, would celebrate your rebranding by purchasing shirts, hoodies, hats, you name it--all of it proclaiming their earnest and enthusiastic support of the Elon Gated Peters."

For some reason, I never received as much as a reply to my suggestion. And the university renamed its teams the "Phoenix."  Now, Elon is a pretty good school, but I damn sure don't see anyone outside of that part of the state wearing any "Phoenix" gear.  An opportunity, missed.  There's a lot in a name, you know.

Edited by Biz Prof
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I'm actually kind of liking "Colonel Angus" and "The Kiz Directive"! 🙂

My latest band is still searching for a name and the other day our drummer suggested "Spiced Honey". Searching for a name is sort of a running joke at this point so we are throwing out awful names on purpose all the time so I just assumed this was another one of those. Turns out he was serious. I told him that sounds more like a ham flavor than a band name.   

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My 1st band’s name was “Hot Ice”  I had no choice in the name and was in the 6th grade!! Hated the name, But loved being in a “real band” that had gig’s. The gig’s where for the Jr High “Mixer’s” 

We did so well we where hired by the High School entertainment committee for after game “Grooves” (This WAS the 60’s)

It was fun and I got to meet a lot of older girl’s.... BONUS!!! 

I wish I still had my Wah peddle from back then!! I have not found one yet that sounded as good as that one!

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We were (for one show in college) Josh <last name, I can't remember> and the Redneck Rythym Rangers.  Meh...

We were going to be Josh <last name, I can't remember> and the Toxic Shocks, but given ladies were dying of TSS back then, it was deemed by more sensitive people as being in poor taste. 

And so, political correctness began...

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20 hours ago, velorush said:

We were (for one show in college) Josh <last name, I can't remember> and the Redneck Rythym Rangers.  Meh...

We were going to be Josh <last name, I can't remember> and the Toxic Shocks, but given ladies were dying of TSS back then, it was deemed by more sensitive people as being in poor taste. 

And so, political correctness began...

Ah, yes, the dreaded "and the" names.  When I was in college, these were three campus bands:

Ottoman and the Turks

Johnny Sportcoat and the Casuals

Johnny Carburetor and the Sparkplugs

There was a Van Halen tribute band in VA years ago who all wore dress shirts called Van Heusen.  We also had a Brown Sabbath.

Edited by tommy p
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WAY back, our band leader (lead guitar, some keys) was of partial Greek descent, formally named Demetrius. He hated it. Went by his middle name (Pete). I suggested Demetrius and the Gladiators. It did not go over well.

Johnny always seemed to work in band names. A rather punk lead singer I played behind for a short while in L.A. insisted upon Johnny Pop Static. I still have a poster of that somewhere. A vision she was in all black leather......NOT. Unlike the drummer's GF, who actually had abundant curves.....

Many years later, in some circles, maybe Baldy and the Hair Plugz would be appropriate......

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13 hours ago, killerteddybear said:

Poke a Daughter?

And why did I think of Anne Murray when I read this?

"Stay alert, walk tall, carry mace, take self-defence classes & don’t dress like a whore"

The very best quote to come out of that whole story is "nice ascot, slut" but you'll have to go here for context.

 

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5 minutes ago, RobB said:

I can see why. Gladiators were a Roman thing. 

Besides, he refused to wear the helmet......It would have clashed with his Buddy Holly-style glasses......

Demetrius and the Gladiators

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42 minutes ago, tommy p said:

We also had a Brown Sabbath.

Dude!  One of my favorite YouTube video series is the (band called) Brownout "Brown Sabbath" sessions.  Amazing Sabs covers!

Just search Brown Sabbath - there are several videos.  I love this stuff!  Sabs with horns (brass, not ambloyistickeratin)

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1 hour ago, cynic said:

"Stay alert, walk tall, carry mace, take self-defence classes & don’t dress like a whore"

The very best quote to come out of that whole story is "nice ascot, slut" but you'll have to go here for context.

 

I'd missed this. Krista Ford is Canada's Ivanka?

Edited by killerteddybear
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