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Another open letter to my friends here at the HFC


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12 hours ago, Ting Ho Dung said:

It's nearly bedtime and made it with no beer or weed. Been a bit agitated so went outback and finally got the male Cuban tree frog off my bull frog's back. He's been there like a parasite for a week. Little bastard looks like that character in a movie, "My Precious...."

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The synchronistic analogy in that is delicious, Ting - pulling an unwanted burden from a back. Keep on pulling, brother.

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2 hours ago, Menehune said:

The synchronistic analogy in that is delicious, Ting - pulling an unwanted burden from a back. Keep on pulling, brother.

I hadn't thought of that. Thanks. 

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47 minutes ago, Jakeboy said:

How are we doing, @Ting Ho Dung?

I'm fidgety, grumpy, and have a headache. I'm tired too. Not a good night sleep last night. Hopefully tonight will be better.

Thanks for thinking of me. 

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Yesterday was really bad. Constant headache. Body feels dehydrated. Every muscle feels twitchy. Stomach feels weird. Strange taste in mouth, kind of like I didn't brush my teeth. Last evening was the pits. Everything amplified plus boredom set in. I normally drink in the evenings when I'm done with everything in the day. Usually start around 4 PM, end around 10:30, then off to bed for a good night sleep. I was tired all day and into the evening. Finally hit the sack at 11:30 but then had to pee at 12 AM. Why? Twitched and turned. Muscles were jumpy. Then had to pee again at 12:30. Why? Finally fell asleep around 1 or 2. Slept pretty well except for strange dreams which are common for me but this time I kept waking up. 

Day 2: Progress!

I feel better today than yesterday. I was really tempted to drink one last night to try and sleep and get rid of the aches and pains. But I didn't and no weed. BP right now is 110/81 with no meds in the last 3 days. Heart rate, 57. Last night it was 117/77 and 63. This morning I'm doing my normal tour of duty and eating a few bananas and grapes. Drinking the normal amount of water which is about 64 oz over the course of the morning. My head is foggy and hurts a bit around the back of my ears and my eyes feel pressure (maybe that's the same thing). When I was a kid I drank around 6 cokes a day because I just didn't feel right. I'm wondering now if I've been self medicating my whole life because I just don't feel right. Something for me to ponder in the next days and weeks as I get through this. I may have to question other things in my diet later after I'm done with this shit.

I'm writing this as an update for those of you who want to know how I'm doing or maybe are contemplating the same sort of thing for yourself. It's also as a journal for myself so I can evaluate my progress as the days pass. I can tell you this is no fucking fun, that's for sure. And I'm a bit angry at myself for letting it come to this. I knew what I was in for which is why I put off quitting for so long. Every day for some time now I'd wake up and say today is the day. And then 3:30 would roll around and the headaches would start. Then the desire to wind down for the day. Then the desire to continue this lifelong party. I can tell you it was a great party. Reptile shows, fishing, beach, family, camping, canoeing, grilling meat, swimming, watching movies, blowing off fireworks, building decks, cages, home improvements: always included beer. I never got in trouble. I never lost a home or a job. I never had a DUI. I never even got in a fight. I quit going to bars at 26 because I saw someone get their ass beat and that was not my scene. And I had just purchased my first home and figured that was a better place to party. I never did drugs because I knew with my personality that would lead to disaster. It just wasn't a problem until it was a problem. I've always been somewhat of a health nut...... Just a health nut with an addiction problem. So this is day 2. Are any of you making bets or predictions?

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No bets or predictions. You can do anything you make up your mind to do. Pretty simple, but your head HAS to be into it. Keep at it, you have a lot of people cheering for you!

Edited by duncans
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43 minutes ago, Ting Ho Dung said:

Are any of you making bets or predictions?

I predict this will prove to be less a journey of leaving behind an addiction and more a quest to get your body into balance. You may very well have been self-medicating, and doing so for out-of-range body chemistry reasons. Seek ye, learn and know, Parzival!

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14 minutes ago, specialk said:

Love this song, hope you do too (Hamer content)

 

Wow! Awesome tune. That's the Cheap Trick I liked back in the day. Some Hamers to boot and an awesome goat adorned by Rick. Love it, thanks. I believe that's the year I bought me first Hamer, a cherry red Chap with boomers and ebony board, set maple neck, and OBL all the way around. Makes me want a Duotone. No, maybe not. 

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9 hours ago, Ting Ho Dung said:

Yesterday was really bad. Constant headache. Body feels dehydrated. Every muscle feels twitchy. Stomach feels weird. Strange taste in mouth, kind of like I didn't brush my teeth. Last evening was the pits. Everything amplified plus boredom set in. I normally drink in the evenings when I'm done with everything in the day. Usually start around 4 PM, end around 10:30, then off to bed for a good night sleep. I was tired all day and into the evening. Finally hit the sack at 11:30 but then had to pee at 12 AM. Why? Twitched and turned. Muscles were jumpy. Then had to pee again at 12:30. Why? Finally fell asleep around 1 or 2. Slept pretty well except for strange dreams which are common for me but this time I kept waking up. 

Day 2: Progress!

I feel better today than yesterday. I was really tempted to drink one last night to try and sleep and get rid of the aches and pains. But I didn't and no weed. BP right now is 110/81 with no meds in the last 3 days. Heart rate, 57. Last night it was 117/77 and 63. This morning I'm doing my normal tour of duty and eating a few bananas and grapes. Drinking the normal amount of water which is about 64 oz over the course of the morning. My head is foggy and hurts a bit around the back of my ears and my eyes feel pressure (maybe that's the same thing). When I was a kid I drank around 6 cokes a day because I just didn't feel right. I'm wondering now if I've been self medicating my whole life because I just don't feel right. Something for me to ponder in the next days and weeks as I get through this. I may have to question other things in my diet later after I'm done with this shit.

I'm writing this as an update for those of you who want to know how I'm doing or maybe are contemplating the same sort of thing for yourself. It's also as a journal for myself so I can evaluate my progress as the days pass. I can tell you this is no fucking fun, that's for sure. And I'm a bit angry at myself for letting it come to this. I knew what I was in for which is why I put off quitting for so long. Every day for some time now I'd wake up and say today is the day. And then 3:30 would roll around and the headaches would start. Then the desire to wind down for the day. Then the desire to continue this lifelong party. I can tell you it was a great party. Reptile shows, fishing, beach, family, camping, canoeing, grilling meat, swimming, watching movies, blowing off fireworks, building decks, cages, home improvements: always included beer. I never got in trouble. I never lost a home or a job. I never had a DUI. I never even got in a fight. I quit going to bars at 26 because I saw someone get their ass beat and that was not my scene. And I had just purchased my first home and figured that was a better place to party. I never did drugs because I knew with my personality that would lead to disaster. It just wasn't a problem until it was a problem. I've always been somewhat of a health nut...... Just a health nut with an addiction problem. So this is day 2. Are any of you making bets or predictions?

1.  If I was going to bet on anything, I'd bet that, yes, you have been self medicating your whole life.  And you know what, pretty much all humans do to one extent or another, so I wouldn't feel bad about it either.  I'm not one to tell anyone what to do, but I will say that, while I don't know why exactly, understanding why you are the way you are doesn't necessarily make learning new habits take any quicker... but maybe it helps you just give yourself a break while you do, providing some patience with yourself.  I don't know - YMMV, but a third party to hear you out can both be useful and not necessarily a lifelong commitment.  Not saying you should do it, but I am saying it isn't the worst thing on earth to consider. 

But more importantly in the short run- 

2.  Keeping up with your numbers will be helpful.  Once you start seeing just how much alcohol monkeys around with you BP and BPM, it is sobering (pun kinda intended).  Despite not really having a daily drinking habit, I still have found it has drastically cut down my drinking because I know what is happening as it happens and can't ignore it.  Unlike a growing beer gut or a fattening liver, the cardio side of things is pretty instant feedback.  

and maybe a 

3.  If nothing else, you're existing at a high level at the moment.  In my opinion at least, all you have for sure is the one life you're living, and while it is negative stimulus that is making you present, you nonetheless are.  You're doing the right thing, and your body is probably more alive and aware of the "right now" than it may have been for awhile.  I doubt everyone looks at shit like me, but having to get out of a very deep hole myself not so far back, for some reason, the thing that finally got me putting myself back together was just the sheer wonder of being a configuration of matter that got to be aware of existence, even when that existence was awfully painful.  I get to be a passenger for hopefully 80 or 90 years, and, yeah, it's hard more often that it isn't.  But either way, it's pretty amazing just to be a witness for a few spins around the sun.  

That may all be useless to you, but on the off chance it strikes a chord, I wanted to say it.

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Yesterday was much better. I feel the pain and anxiety is waning. I wasn't as grumpy and the tension in my body was mostly unnoticeable.  I fell asleep quicker but was still restless but not the agony as previous nights. The headaches are pretty much gone and I was fairly productive yesterday. I actually feel happy about this now. Day 5.

My ducks are in Tampa now and hopefully will be here today. :lol: I don't know if there is a parallel there somewhere. 

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Michael, early on, maybe before you started this thread, we discussed withdrawal.  Well,  there you went, twitches, aches, sleeplessness and general misery.  It's mostly behind you now (Gudonya!) and the question becomes "what next?".  Eons of self medication can easily mess with your outlook on life, your attitudes toward it, belief system, etc.  Dried out and miserable don't cut it.  What's next?

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Posted (edited)
27 minutes ago, tomteriffic said:

Michael, early on, maybe before you started this thread, we discussed withdrawal.  Well,  there you went, twitches, aches, sleeplessness and general misery.  It's mostly behind you now (Gudonya!) and the question becomes "what next?".  Eons of self medication can easily mess with your outlook on life, your attitudes toward it, belief system, etc.  Dried out and miserable don't cut it.  What's next?

I'm really feeling positive now, and oddly happy. I'm feeling closer to my wife and enjoying a few hours of gardening each morning after I get up. I'm usually up by 6 but since I quit the wine and weed dance I've been sleeping past 8. I suppose because I'm not passing out in my office chair watching NF and because of the sleeplessness once in bed. The peeing bit is a bit weird but I suppose maybe there is a lot of water retention in my cells or toxins my body is removing. I mean, I've always pissed during the day and have a habit of drinking lots of water, but it never happened at night. I've also been careful not to drink anything after dinner so you'd think all that would be gone peeing before bed. But no. 

On top of the gardening, as most know, I have a fucking zoo here to care for. I've been paying a lot closer attention to the animals and not quitting my day just to sit down and start drinking. Lots to keep me busy. I harvested lots of different peppers this morning along with a bunch of tomatillos os this weekend I'll probably make some green salsa and stuffed jalapenos for us. 

And, I guess I bought a bass :lol:

Oh, and ducks are out for delivery today.

Is that what you meant by what's next(?) or did the question go totally over my head as usual? If you are talking about a support group, I've kicked it around a bit. Transportation is an issue since we are a one car family. I joke that It's like being on house arrest since I can only walk to the shopping center and back. But, there is an ACE hardware and a Publix there. What else does one need? I've considered going to a meeting with my crazy neighbor. She's been real nice to me lately and I gave her a bouquet of Thai Basil this morning as she ironically pulled into the drive as I was trimming it away from a lemon spice pepper and wondered what I was going to do with it. 

So, lots going on. Thanks for helping me out Tom.

ETA: By the way, I read everyone's post, all of them, again yesterday and it was really uplifting and empowering to me for all of your love and support. I'm not going to let you guys down. I've had it with this monkey. Just like years ago when that spider monkey at Cypress Gardens beat my head against the cage bars 'till I saw stars, I got up a little dizzy and started again.

Edited by Ting Ho Dung
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Michael, what I was driving at was just tending to the rest of yourself.  Gardening, tending to the Michael Thorn Gigondo World Class Herpetarium, these things obviously do good stuff for you or you wouldn't have kept after it all this time.  And that's a very good thing.

Beyond that?  Who knows?  Support group?  Inspirational readings?  Meditation?  Armenian-Druid Tai Chi?  Whatever works for you and helps move you along the path.

BTW, speaking from experience, I'd be a little circumspect about crazy neighbor ladies wanting to drag you off to a support group meeting.  Furthermore, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.

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2 hours ago, tomteriffic said:

Michael, what I was driving at was just tending to the rest of yourself.  Gardening, tending to the Michael Thorn Gigondo World Class Herpetarium, these things obviously do good stuff for you or you wouldn't have kept after it all this time.  And that's a very good thing.

Beyond that?  Who knows?  Support group?  Inspirational readings?  Meditation?  Armenian-Druid Tai Chi?  Whatever works for you and helps move you along the path.

BTW, speaking from experience, I'd be a little circumspect about crazy neighbor ladies wanting to drag you off to a support group meeting.  Furthermore, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.

I don't know. I guess I'll let you know when I figure it out. I just got my ducks so there's something.

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1 hour ago, Ting Ho Dung said:

I don't know. I guess I'll let you know when I figure it out. I just got my ducks in a row so there's something.

🙂

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I finally slept. Went to bed last night at 10:50. Promptly fell asleep and slept until 4:57, got up and peed and went back to bed. Slept until 7:15. I feel so much better this morning! Still had strange dreams but didn't wake up enough to remember. 

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If you wanna write bu wattsapp with a guy in the other corner of the continent let me know and i will send you my phone budy, im proud about the decition you take, you are a brave man ,Congratulations 💪😀

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Tomorrow is day 14 and I've been pretty much sailing through this after the first few days of hell. Once I started feeling better I was quite happy with my decision. We were supposed to take my parents to lunch today which would have been a brutal test of my sobriety but luckily we got rained out. We may still do it tomorrow or Monday since my wife is off the fourth. But maybe I should put it off for another week so I have 21 days under my belt. 

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