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If I Ever Lose My Faith In You


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It may be because I've been picking tunes with piano since I've been picking away at my new set of keys. It may be because I've been listening to covers all along. It may be because I have impeccable taste in music. Whatever the reason, YouTube chose this for me today and I will never lose my faith in You(tube). 

I've never been into Sting. It was cool back in the day, mid 80s, to say you loved Sting, to say you understood Sting. I have 2 of his CDs from way back. I don't know if this tune is from his solo career or from his Police term. I've heard it on the radio countless times and can hum along with it but I never listened to the lyrics until I watched this video. Yes, I'm one who actually watches videos probably because I've been a photographer my entire life and for about 15 years was pro. I'm not bragging as there is no reason to. I just mention it because I find the images in this video very compelling. They led me to listen to the lyrics, which I normally do as I consider lyrics one of the most important elements in a song. But since I never liked the song, I never paid attention. 

Suddenly this song stings my heart (shit, seriously didn't mean to say Sting but I'm not going to press the backspace) as I think I know the meaning behind the lyrics now. I had always thought, "If I ever lose my faith in you," meant losing faith in a spouse, or significant other since they are supposed to be "Your Rock". After seeing the images of those people staring at their reflection at the end of the video I realize it could mean losing one's faith in one's self. (Don't know if those apostrophes are necessary but I've lost my faith in understanding the English language long ago,) After watching the video I've realized I have lost my faith in everything mentioned. I've lost my faith in Religion, I've lost my faith in Politicians, I've lost my faith in Science, I've lost my faith in War. I've lost my faith in my children, I've lost my faith in my spouse, I've lost my faith in tomorrow, and I've lost my faith in myself. Over 60 days sober and now hating every minute of it. 

So now this song means something to me and I love the more metal edge much better than the original. The metal edge is better at relating the feelings of anger that these subjects bring to me personally and how I've lost faith in pretty much everything except my  dog. 

 

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30 minutes ago, Ting Ho Dung said:

It may be because I've been picking tunes with piano since I've been picking away at my new set of keys. It may be because I've been listening to covers all along. It may be because I have impeccable taste in music. Whatever the reason, YouTube chose this for me today and I will never lose my faith in You(tube). 

I've never been into Sting. It was cool back in the day, mid 80s, to say you loved Sting, to say you understood Sting. I have 2 of his CDs from way back. I don't know if this tune is from his solo career or from his Police term. I've heard it on the radio countless times and can hum along with it but I never listened to the lyrics until I watched this video. Yes, I'm one who actually watches videos probably because I've been a photographer my entire life and for about 15 years was pro. I'm not bragging as there is no reason to. I just mention it because I find the images in this video very compelling. They led me to listen to the lyrics, which I normally do as I consider lyrics one of the most important elements in a song. But since I never liked the song, I never paid attention. 

Suddenly this song stings my heart (shit, seriously didn't mean to say Sting but I'm not going to press the backspace) as I think I know the meaning behind the lyrics now. I had always thought, "If I ever lose my faith in you," meant losing faith in a spouse, or significant other since they are supposed to be "Your Rock". After seeing the images of those people staring at their reflection at the end of the video I realize it could mean losing one's faith in one's self. (Don't know if those apostrophes are necessary but I've lost my faith in understanding the English language long ago,) After watching the video I've realized I have lost my faith in everything mentioned. I've lost my faith in Religion, I've lost my faith in Politicians, I've lost my faith in Science, I've lost my faith in War. I've lost my faith in my children, I've lost my faith in my spouse, I've lost my faith in tomorrow, and I've lost my faith in myself. Over 60 days sober and now hating every minute of it. 

So now this song means something to me and I love the more metal edge much better than the original. The metal edge is better at relating the feelings of anger that these subjects bring to me personally and how I've lost faith in pretty much everything except my  dog. 

 

You are not alone. Get through today. Then put your mind towards getting thru tomorrow. One day at a time. I have faith in you. 

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I like your interpretation, never occurred to me but makes a lot of sense. That tune was off his 1992 album Ten Summoner's Tales. I must have driven my college roommates crazy with how often I played that CD. My fave off that album is Love Is Stronger Than Justice, a country tune in 7/4. If I Ever Lose..., Seven Days, It's Probably Me (there's a nice alternate version with Clapton), and Nothing 'Bout Me also hold up pretty well.

Sorry to hear you're having a bad time of it right now. Even though there may not be anyone you can think of who can be counted on 100% of the time in every situation, that doesn't mean you can never count on anyone. Reach out to your local support group, do the things you've posted about doing that have helped, and remember that better times are ahead if you steer toward them. We're all rooting for you.

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The crazy lady next door probably wouldn't be your best choice, but reaching out to someone would probably be a good idea.  I was in nearly the exact same spot along the path, gritting my teeth and taking things a few minutes at a time when I decided I just had to get out of there, go just about anywhere and rub shoulders with just about anyone, just be around some people.  Unsurprisingly, I wound up at Mel Bay Music for no particular reason.  Smilin' Dave from my AA group walked in behind me.  He was after some strings for his short scale bass.  We didn't talk "shop" or "recovery" or anything, just shot the shit for a little bit.  I went home feeling miles better.

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Go do something nice for somebody. Anybody. There isn't anyone out there who couldn't use it. Get the ball rolling, plant the seed, whatever. Let it start with you.

I said it before, but you got this. Sure, you fog up once in a while, but you got this.

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I appreciate all your comments. 

There is a lot coming down around me at the moment and any time things happen that are out of my control I get depressed and sink into this rabbit hole.

I can't articulate to you all that is involved because it would be a very long read and I simply don't have the energy to put pen to paper like that at the moment. Suffice it to say that the government agency, Florida Fish and Wildlife, is running amuck, out of control, more funded than any other government agency here in Florida, the most corrupt, anti science, and now infiltrated by animal rights groups, are attacking my business from all sides. They have been playing a chess game for 20 years now with us and they have the funding to win. I am tired. I've been kicked in the balls over and over and still got up to fight. 2007 was a big blow but it didn't keep me down. But then the perfect storm of 2008 and 2009 when a trio of things hit me, 2 from a few business / investment losses, FWC continuing their foul play, and then my son taking his life out of the blue put my dick in the dirt and I didn't get back up for several years. Now I'm getting those feelings again because FWC is really hitting us in the breadbasket at the moment. They are hitting us where the money is, where millions of dollars are at stake. Literally the industry could be put under by them because they have become so powerful that they are making up their own rules as they go along. It's corruption at the top. I've been on the phone for probably 20 hours in the past few days and feel better about what we are organizing now. 

It's a really bad feeling when you talk and plead your case to an agency who has their mind made up that they are going to pass legislation that suits them and their agenda instead of for the good of the people. It's happening in pretty much all agencies in Florida and this state is turning fast into a shithole. My only salvation is that my property value may go high enough in the next few years that I can sell and find some peace in my golden years in another state or country. I only hope I can leave and get my animals out before they are confiscated and euthanized. 

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I woke up this morning (with a wine glass in my hand) after a good night's sleep. I dreamt of beer and getting high once again. This was probably the third time. So at least I can enjoy it in my dreams. I also had sex with my Sister-in-Law again which is always fun. So I woke up and kicked myself in the ass on this beautiful Sunday morning and decided to make it a great day. I am still playing daily on the keys and learning more about programming / modifying the Kurzweil sounds. I'm hoping to complete a cover in the next few weeks to terrorize your ears. I also never did a follow up that I did receive the Monaco from Zen and it is a really fine one. It may play (pun) a role in the cover, I'm not sure at this point. 

Going back to FWC, If any of you are planning on visiting Florida, or if any of you are residents and plan on any activities that include outdoor sports, i.e. fishing, hunting, be very careful that you know the rules and regulations. FWC have increased their force about ten-fold from a few years ago that include an army of undercover "officers" who will entice you to break regulations and then arrest you. Be very careful if you visit the Keys for lobster season. Be very wary of the person fishing next to you on a bridge or pier as they may be FWC. If someone tells you that today is a day that you can fish this protected spot or keep this undersize species, they are undercover and will arrest you. Yes, this is entrapment but it will still cost you a lot of money and your time. For this reason, and many others, there are very large groups bringing more lawsuits against FWC. Along with our relatively small group we are hoping to prove in court the overreach of this rogue government agency. Many other state wildlife agencies are watching what Florida is doing and some are following suit. More will join in if precedence is set in Florida so it can affect you in your home state as well if you are involved in these activities.

I have learned in the last few days that 90% of the FWC commissioners are also land developers which is a major conflict of interest. Several of them have bought tracts of land from the state for pennies. They are trying to develop these environmentally sensitive areas to make big bank in their own interest. When they develop these areas they pay a small "permit" fee to burry gopher tortoise burrows, a threatened species, with the tortoises living inside. The tortoise is also what's called a "keystone" species because their burrows provide a habitat for many other species of animals like the eastern diamondback rattlesnake (threatened), the indigo snake (endangered), and about 350 other species of animals and insects that can't survive without them. This kind of thing really upsets me and I'm really feeling like there is no hope at this point for the survival of the state I grew up in. The only hope I have is to make bank on my property and move somewhere far away. I'm not Marjory Stoneman Douglas and this is not the same government it was then. So, yes, I've lost faith in the war and I've lost faith in the politicians. But, my ducks are calling me outside my window for their breakfast so I have to go now before a neighbor complains to the government and they say I can't keep them. Like they did my fountain grass, but that's a story for another day. You gotta watch out for morning dew, guys. Someone will complain to the government they came in contact with it and you will have to remove it. Well, ducks just complained again. See ya.

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Our faith in self, family and friends waxes and wanes. It doesn't take much life experience to learn the faith in government and politicians and bureaucrats is entirely misplaced, and so to always expect struggles in those domains.

Given we're forever assailed by one thing after another, seems to me the best option is to keep up the good fight under the fluttering banner proclaiming "Non Illegitimis Carborundum Est". Not easy. Nothing is.

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On 8/29/2021 at 7:04 AM, Ting Ho Dung said:

I woke up this morning (with a wine glass in my hand) after a good night's sleep. I dreamt of beer and getting high once again. This was probably the third time. So at least I can enjoy it in my dreams. I also had sex with my Sister-in-Law again which is always fun. So I woke up and kicked myself in the ass on this beautiful Sunday morning and decided to make it a great day. I am still playing daily on the keys and learning more about programming / modifying the Kurzweil sounds. I'm hoping to complete a cover in the next few weeks to terrorize your ears. I also never did a follow up that I did receive the Monaco from Zen and it is a really fine one. It may play (pun) a role in the cover, I'm not sure at this point. 

Going back to FWC, If any of you are planning on visiting Florida, or if any of you are residents and plan on any activities that include outdoor sports, i.e. fishing, hunting, be very careful that you know the rules and regulations. FWC have increased their force about ten-fold from a few years ago that include an army of undercover "officers" who will entice you to break regulations and then arrest you. Be very careful if you visit the Keys for lobster season. Be very wary of the person fishing next to you on a bridge or pier as they may be FWC. If someone tells you that today is a day that you can fish this protected spot or keep this undersize species, they are undercover and will arrest you. Yes, this is entrapment but it will still cost you a lot of money and your time. For this reason, and many others, there are very large groups bringing more lawsuits against FWC. Along with our relatively small group we are hoping to prove in court the overreach of this rogue government agency. Many other state wildlife agencies are watching what Florida is doing and some are following suit. More will join in if precedence is set in Florida so it can affect you in your home state as well if you are involved in these activities.

I have learned in the last few days that 90% of the FWC commissioners are also land developers which is a major conflict of interest. Several of them have bought tracts of land from the state for pennies. They are trying to develop these environmentally sensitive areas to make big bank in their own interest. When they develop these areas they pay a small "permit" fee to burry gopher tortoise burrows, a threatened species, with the tortoises living inside. The tortoise is also what's called a "keystone" species because their burrows provide a habitat for many other species of animals like the eastern diamondback rattlesnake (threatened), the indigo snake (endangered), and about 350 other species of animals and insects that can't survive without them. This kind of thing really upsets me and I'm really feeling like there is no hope at this point for the survival of the state I grew up in. The only hope I have is to make bank on my property and move somewhere far away. I'm not Marjory Stoneman Douglas and this is not the same government it was then. So, yes, I've lost faith in the war and I've lost faith in the politicians. But, my ducks are calling me outside my window for their breakfast so I have to go now before a neighbor complains to the government and they say I can't keep them. Like they did my fountain grass, but that's a story for another day. You gotta watch out for morning dew, guys. Someone will complain to the government they came in contact with it and you will have to remove it. Well, ducks just complained again. See ya.

Wait…. Was it your wife’s sister or your brother’s wife…?

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8 hours ago, Travis said:

Wait…. Was it your wife’s sister or your brother’s wife…?

One of my wife's sisters. And my wife caught us. I felt really bad. I need to take better control of my dreams and make sure the wife is at work or something. Or maybe at the store buying beer too. 

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3 minutes ago, Ting Ho Dung said:

One of my wife's sisters. And my wife caught us. I felt really bad. I need to take better control of my dreams and make sure the wife is at work or something. Or maybe at the store buying beer too. 

Wait…. You have multiple wives…?

or…. One of the sisters that your wife has…?  Cuz either way, there’s a good story there. 

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Just now, Travis said:

Wait…. You have multiple wives…?

or…. One of the sisters that your wife has…?  Cuz either way, there’s a good story there. 

My wife, as hot as she is, has two half-sisters who were / are hotter physically though I can barely stand either one of them personally for more than a few moments. They are as shallow as my tolerance of their materialistic, botox injected, fake titted, two-dimensional personalities. But, I guess they are a fantasy of mine in my slumber, at least since I quit drinking. Maybe it's because we have had a few fun parties. One even told me in private when we evacuated from hurricane Irma that she shaved for me. I looked at her puzzled and a little curious and she said, "Everywhere." I left that one alone but wondered, maybe at a different time in a different life. If I would ever engage in such a thing it would be like smashing a beautiful butterfly. Which is exactly what my wife is oddly enough and that for her to be with a guy the likes of me. I showed up at Mrs. Ting's work once after they had hired about ten new people who hadn't met me and they all said the same thing after I left, "Who'da thunk?" 

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15 minutes ago, Ting Ho Dung said:

My wife, as hot as she is, has two half-sisters who were / are hotter physically though I can barely stand either one of them personally for more than a few moments. They are as shallow as my tolerance of their materialistic, botox injected, fake titted, two-dimensional personalities. But, I guess they are a fantasy of mine in my slumber, at least since I quit drinking. Maybe it's because we have had a few fun parties. One even told me in private when we evacuated from hurricane Irma that she shaved for me. I looked at her puzzled and a little curious and she said, "Everywhere." I left that one alone but wondered, maybe at a different time in a different life. If I would ever engage in such a thing it would be like smashing a beautiful butterfly. Which is exactly what my wife is oddly enough and that for her to be with a guy the likes of me. I showed up at Mrs. Ting's work once after they had hired about ten new people who hadn't met me and they all said the same thing after I left, "Who'da thunk?" 

Personality goes a LOT farther than fake tits. And it’s no secret on this board how much I do loves me some big ol’ bags of fun…

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