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Anybody here retire from playing live music ???


rockfish

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Seriously giving though to retiring the music scene. I'm 57 years old, and partying like a rock star at the bars is getting old. It's just not me any more. None of my friends come out to the bar to see me play...... because they are my age and to be honest, they are probably getting in bed at 8:00 or 9:00. Band drama is getting very old and never seems to stop. Lugging equipment is getting really old, my body can barely handle it. I think I could walk away from it..... but I'm not sure how I will feel about not playing with other musicians. Knowing myself, I will get lazy and I won't even pick up the guitars. They will sit in their cases (because I no longer have a "job" or motivation......or reason to play). Wondering what a person does with 30+ guitars, a full PA system and van to haul it all........when you don't need any of it any more. Wondering if I will even keep playing guitar once I'm out.  

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Just a thought, but you may try walking away from partying first. I partied like a rock star every night since the late '80s. Toughest thing I physically had to do was quit. So glad I did. Quitting may give you perspective for your other questions too. 

You may also look into home recording. Then you can send all your friends an MP3 or video they can listen to / watch before they go to bed. 

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God timing on this thread. I just turned down the first chance to be in a band since 2018 last night. When my daughter got sick in 2018, I lost all motivation for being in a band and playing guitar. Poof, gone. Three plus years later, I’m feeling maybe I might want to start up, or be in another little punk band, when one of my friends asks if I’d like to play in their band. 
 

Awesome. Except now, due to psoriasis on my fingertips, especially my right thumb, it’s difficult to hold a pick correctly, and I can barely feel it so it slips out constantly. The longer I try to play, the worse it gets. 
 

And on top of that, while both of my ears lose high-end at 8k, my right ear now sounds like a broken speaker and has no low-end or high-end. 
 

Doubtful if I’ll ever play in another band again, but I’m seriously wondering if it’s time to sell the rest of my stuff. 

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Do it only if you find the right combination of musicians, songs, and venues.  And take only the gigs you really want to play. I've gotten rather picky about venues and dates.  As such, my band plays twice/thrice per month--max.  I've told my bandmates many times now:  If this ever gets to feel like a damn job, I'm out. 

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I feel like quitting sometimes. Every time a band falls apart, I'm like "that's it, I'm done". But, people around here always seek me out and ask me to join their project. The thing that really bugs me is that the really good bands I'm in never last, but the mediocre ones drag on. The 2 projects I'm involved with currently are low commitment and close by (10 minutes down the road, and upstairs at my house), which helps. Band practice is fun, I will always do that, but I'm no longer interested in gigging every weekend. I do enjoy my little solo jazz gigs at restaurants w/ my looper pedal, as long as they continue to fall into my lap. 

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I quit playing  out years ago. I did most of the bookings, owned the PA & trailer,, pulled said trailer. Wrecked two different pull vehicles(but never the trailer!) Hauled two 3 of 5 band members  Set up the PA , ran the PA and lights. Put trailer away at 3:00-4:00 A.M. or later. Breathed in more smoke than I ever smoked. Had more fun, made more memories, saw soooo many things happen on the dance floor. Lost lots of my high freq hearing, Nursing a  back, back into shape. 

Geez, do I miss the playing! Hanging with the guys. I don't miss the WORK involved, except learning new music. Sometimes we have to make choices we don't like to make.

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57?? You're just a pup! But take a break. Wait for the desire to return. It'll happen, even if you're lazy! :lol: If it's in you, it's gotta come out sometime.

If you have the space, set up a jam room.  I already had the PA, lights and bass rig, and found a cheap-but-great-sounding drum set on CL. That made it super easy for anyone to just come in and play. No gear to haul or grunt and nothing to tear down when you're done. Guys will bring their own guitars and/or amps if they want, but otherwise it's all set up and ready to go.

It's really been a sanity saver, just being able to get together with a few close buddies and make some sound. And not having the stress that goes with playing out makes it that much better.

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I had some late 40s burnout set in with the last band that was doing mostly hard rock/metal covers. We wound up mainly playing two clubs. One had a great stage and PA but we just never built an audience and they stopped returning calls. The other place was a small town local bar with a small stage/small pa. Mostly locals who were there for whoever was playing so the space between songs was more people adjusting their conversation volume vs applause. I was also over the 3 sets, 10-2 schedule getting me home at 3-4 am. That place stopped returning calls too.

here was also an issue of one guy in the band with an insanely busy work and family schedule so because of him I had to pass on more gigs than accept which got old. After our last show nobody made any contact with each other about scheduling another practice or looking for gigs for probably 6 months. Super busy guy then texted us all with a "Hey fellas, I'm itching to jam!" and I declined. At the time my kids were high school into college age and my wife and I were in the early stages of designing and building a house. Playing in a band was more of chore than a fun hobby. I do miss making a racket with Brooks though.

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You don’t have to stop playing….I stopped active gigging in 2015 so I could finally focus HEAVILY on recording original music. Been nonXstop writing,my,aging, and recording ever since.

I go to monthly jams to scratch the public playing itch. It’s wonderful. I get to get up play several songs and have fun. And someone else is responsible for setup/tear down. It’s a beautiful thing.  I also now play a weekly church gig which started back in September. Just 5 songs a week. That is also fun as I used to be in a band with our drummer and I get to create.

Do I miss 4 hour gigs with 4 sets of music is some skanky bar? Kinda. It was so much fun. But recording is more fun for where I am at now. Gotta make music. Hearing a DJ play MY music on the radio trumped the bar gigs. 

You answered your own question in your OP. This isn’t fun for you anymore by the sound of it. Move on to something else guitar related. There is more to music than bar and club gigs. 
 

I just turned 59 and am still rockin’.  No plans to stop. 

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I recently turned 69 (yikes!!) and I have all of the ailments of a lifetime spent in contact sports. I learned about teamwork and the subjugation of ego for the good of the whole. But I was a typical jock, always breaking parts of my body, using alcohol to ease the pain. Now I have a rampant arthritis, a full knee replacement, a full hip replacement, reconstructive surgery on both hands and need more surgeries but I won't do them. I became sober 10 years ago.

I took up guitar about 18 years ago as a stree relief from my occupation as a mechanical engineer. I've played in a few bands and I'm not near as an accomplished musician as most of the folks here. But I work very hard at playing guitar. It's good for my mind, my depression and my soul; I'd be lost without it. Playing in a band takes teamwork (something I've found that many musicians know very little about) and it helps ease the jones I have for participating in team sports.

Right now I'm playing with four other guys my age. These guys are musicians and I'm the hack but they accept me and my can do attitude. We have agreed that we're too old to play out on a regular basis and once a month seems to be our limit. The rehearsal sessions are fun, the comadery is great and learning new songs keeps me sharp.

Don't hang it up. Maybe just scale it back a bit, but I can almost garuntee that you'll be back at it after a short respite.

30+ guitar? Hmmmm...... I take donations

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Dave Q's point about the team sports/team mentality is what seem to hold things together.  I've been playing with Elduave and a rotating cast of characters (same drummer since 2004) for about 20 years.  It's fun still, although there have been some ebbs and flows and we've all played in different projects while this has been the mainstay.  I've had some post-COVID ligament issues that have cropped up, but am still playing through those and seeking medical help for that, which helps.

I would love to play even more than I'm playing out now - I think I played 4-5 gigs last year, but that beats the 2 I managed to squeeze in during 2020!  I'm sure that the window is closing slowly, but as long as I can con the guys into hitting a few solid-paying gigs a year, I'll take it.

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One more comment based on what others here have offered:  Being in a band that has a strong team culture or--even better--a deeply embedded element of friendship can make casual gigging the type of thing that buoys one's spirit rather having the opposite effect.  Here's a pic from my band's NYE gig to illustrate the value of camaraderie (my only regret participating in the ubiquitous Groucho mask gag is that I somehow ended up looking like that My Pillow asshat):

 

Identity Crisis NYE 2021 in costume.jpg

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I was 38, had just finished medical school and had a final year of residency at 3 different hospitals. We finished a weekend at a 1200 seat bar as I was writing the checks to the guy's I brought up shutting things down. I knew I wasn't going to have the time. They all agreed and where quickly swept up by other bands so they kept on full time. I started a career that I had to punch a clock and work hrs scheduled.(the first time in my life) I fucking hated it. But I hung in there because the money was great, and I kinda got used to it. 

I don't know what your back up plan is, but I can tell you quitting full time playing and getting a 9-5 is one helluva culture shock!!!

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I enjoy playing live, but like others, there's always some oddball band drama.  Last project had one guy with an oddball work schedule, so we'd sometimes go weeks without rehearsing and then have to catch up.  Drummer was good, but he made things too complicated for himself.  And the last guy, though he rarely talked about it or tried to push it on us, seemed to be a conspiracy theorist.  

My thing is if I'm wrangling PA, recording rehearsals, mixing it down and sending that out to everyone, then someone else could find venues and set up gigs.  After a few things that didn't pan out, no one really had set anything up over the course of a couple years.  And since the rehearsal room was tiny, once the pandemic hit, the drummer decided to give it up, so I bailed on it too.  

I'd like to find an ongoing gig or two per month thing, but at this point, I'm not optimistic.  

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Not intentionally...  :P

 

Actually, at 56 years old, I'm trying to get back into it. Damned pandemic. 😠

 

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I haven't played live music in over 10 years and I have virtually no desire to do so, so I assume I'm retired. Every time I think about how much I miss that fun three hours on stage, I quickly shift focus to how much I don't miss the tasks and antics of the not-fun hours straddling it. Plus I put a long history of alcohol abuse behind me effective October of 2015 and I intentionally steer clear of nouns in my life nowadays that might derail my sobriety. 

I'm so fortunate in that my full-time repair shop allows me to not only enjoy guitars and the music world all day every day but interact with my clients with the same camaraderie I had with my bandmates. Instead of having three or four bandmates, I have several hundred now. Every time one walks in, I'm in his or her band for our time together making a vital contribution. Plus I'm making a helluva lot more money than I did gigging, and I'm sober and can appreciate the whole thing. I'll echoplex the others, stay active in music through something that works for your situation. Write and record, fix, book or promote, there are many opportunities that don't involve packing a van at 3 a.m. haha

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2 hours ago, Ed Rechts said:

This is a great thread.

Every time I have thought of gigging again, I know it'd have to be with a hive-mind attitude of jaded musicians, like most of the characters on this message board. I am just too old to put up with all the bullshit (much it it caused by me) that I have forgotten when I'm reliving glory days in my head. I once got lectured about this as differentiating the "creative you" against the "performer you". We all kinda forget this about our egos for good or bad. Or the guy that told me that is a dick, whatever.

There are so many talented humorous guys on the HFC, I know we'd have a ridiculously entertaining bar band.

@Biz Prof, I'd want you to wear your Mike Lindell mask when we did a 30 second parody of Queen's "Bicycle Race" with the lyrics:

Why won't you buy My Pillow? Why Won't you buy my lies?

....before launching into a legitimate Queen song, preferably Butch Walker's live version of Bohemian Rhapsody. He and his band are my idea of a guy that doesn't have to gig, but does it for the fun of being out with likeminded goofy knuckleheads. He can kick it Malibu on his accomplishments, but even to his wife and kids....I GOTTA GO DO THIS.

Anther big bonus of modern times is all the good portable gear you can carry instead of back breaking stacks of refrigerator sized gear. I like to move air as much as anyone, but does the average club goer even give a shit anymore if they don't see a wall of sound? Even a foldable faux backdrop would have potential for added mirth.

I think you hit on the key point there, Jay.  You've got to have fun - and a keen sense of humor - to play in a band after your 20s and 30s, when you really aren't trying to "make it".    The guys that lack a sense of humor about things and can't laugh about them, are most likely the guys who sharpie out ex-band mates' faces at rock club "Wall of Fame" arrays...they'll make it big one day though, and laugh at the rest of us.

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You guys are (mostly) a lot younger than me.....The remarks are right on.

I reckon I have done some playing in public in every decade since the late 60s. Even made a few bucks way back then. Not that we had any perceivable talent then (except for the lead guitarist) but it was enough to get a bunch of high school dances and even Palace Showcase, a local TV show that ran before Hollywood Palace on Saturday nights in Portland. Good grief was that embarrassing (I was still TRYING to play bass at that time). 

Well, every decade until this one. In between, there were a ton of different folks. Very few "gigs" where we even attempted to get paid. Some were for work related parties. a couple were for the Beverly Hills Rotary Club. (They nailed me the year I was Club Prez. Longer stories!) Many were charity fundraisers....If people insisted on dropping cash on the stage, we donated it......We were having fun and it seemed silly to take anything.

The most recent here locally lasted for quite a while and was the most satisfying. Until it wasn't. Even played with the same drummer as back in 1968-69. Played at some private parties where the host DID chip in enough money to keep us in beer for a few months of practices. We got better and better and really delighted (at least me) in coming back each week totally prepared, having learned something positive. But it got stale. One (our best singer and a decent guitar player) was always busy and showed up unprepared for anything beyond drinking and jamming for about 3 months straight. Two others turned everything into politics and that cast a real cloud. Not much point in preparing to be your best or try to organize things if there is no reciprocity. Eventually, the only time we could get together was Sunday, late morning. At which time, everyone was ready to start drinking. It became a downer and we were not being prepared to actually do anything productive. And I did not want to waste the day by being impaired, esp if I intended to work with power tools later in the day in the shop or back 40.....Careless use of such as chain saws is never in the best interest of those that treasure their fingers.

The good times were great.....Reading the crowd, interacting, making up lyrics on the fly (many of which would get my face slapped in more tranquil settings) and trying to make people enjoy themselves. The absolute best was when some pro brass players showed up at a jam and we were suddenly doing Dixieland Jazz that NONE of us had ever played before. Now THAT had me sweating!

But, I pulled the plug. Too much to deal with.....I provided the rehearsal space, PA, bass amp, storage for the drums, etc. 3 or 4 years gone by. Pandemic did not help. It would be good for my meager abilities to play with some others, but it is hard to want to make the effort these days.

So many stories. So many people sharing the frustrations!

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My band retired 5 years ago by mutual agreement after 25 years together.  And I have to say I miss it.  I miss the creative and challenging aspect of coming up with engaging arrangements in a minimalist trio, the reward of pulling them off, and the reward when the audience miraculously "gets it".

After a couple of years I started to get the itch again and found a few occasional groups and outlets that were pretty copacetic but that didn't last.  These days, I have reverted to my old original "pasty white folk singer" form, hitting the open mic and waiting for the opportunity to wind it up and irritate all da peeples.   But, crap.  I'm a month away from 70.  I have a garage full of gear and my dumb ass would probably pipe up and admit I've got a PA, monitors, amps, etc.  An extremely talented young protege has started up a weekly jam in the next town over and it would be a fun thing I'm sure, but the challenge of knuckling down and really building something just can't fly under those circumstances.  Not to mention that jams seem to inevitably devolve into three chords and four assholdes, given enough time.

So, I'll continue to walk into the folkie/roots/Americana open mics with a guitar (maybe two) and a gig bag.

Oh, I *have* done some semi-paying work with a jazz combo of fluid membership and numbers.  It's fun and generally just enough over my head to make it challenging.  I haven't embarrassed myself yet.  But I'm hopeful.

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Lots of great wisdom and insight here. An HFC bar band would be f'n awesome.

I've always tried to keep a solo acoustic thing going so I can keep the vibe alive between band scenarios. Bands have to be fun and having a 3 piece band with guys on the same music page has been the right formula.  That and having video evidence of improprieties helps keep the drummer in line.

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7 hours ago, Ed Rechts said:

This is a great thread.

Every time I have thought of gigging again, I know it'd have to be with a hive-mind attitude of jaded musicians, like most of the characters on this message board. I am just too old to put up with all the bullshit (much it it caused by me) that I have forgotten when I'm reliving glory days in my head. I once got lectured about this as differentiating the "creative you" against the "performer you". We all kinda forget this about our egos for good or bad. Or the guy that told me that is a dick, whatever.

There are so many talented humorous guys on the HFC, I know we'd have a ridiculously entertaining bar band.

@Biz Prof, I'd want you to wear your Mike Lindell mask when we did a 30 second parody of Queen's "Bicycle Race" with the lyrics:

Why won't you buy My Pillow? Why Won't you buy my lies?

....before launching into a legitimate Queen song, preferably Butch Walker's live version of Bohemian Rhapsody. He and his band are my idea of a guy that doesn't have to gig, but does it for the fun of being out with likeminded goofy knuckleheads. He can kick it Malibu on his accomplishments, but even to his wife and kids....I GOTTA GO DO THIS.

Anther big bonus of modern times is all the good portable gear you can carry instead of back breaking stacks of refrigerator sized gear. I like to move air as much as anyone, but does the average club goer even give a shit anymore if they don't see a wall of sound? Even a foldable faux backdrop would have potential for added mirth.

Butch is arguably better than anyone he's ever produced or written for. First time I saw him live he was touring his second solo album with American HiFi as his band, dude just has "it". My friend was the house sound man at a now defunct but long running live music venue in Raleigh was always telling me I really needed to see Marvelous 3 as they played there a lot and I regrettably never did.

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1 hour ago, woodpile said:

Lots of great wisdom and insight here. An HFC bar band would be f'n awesome.

I've always tried to keep a solo acoustic thing going so I can keep the vibe alive between band scenarios. Bands have to be fun and having a 3 piece band with guys on the same music page has been the right formula.  That and having video evidence of improprieties helps keep the drummer in line.

I like doing a 3 piece or 3+vocalist.  It's freeing and it also depends on less people's schedules.  Keeping us in line is why I record rehearsals as much as possible for everyone. 

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Older than most on te board. Last gig was Y2K eve. The project started as a request to fulfill a friends request  celebrate a friend’s 50th birthday. “ I would like to lay a few songs live at my 50th birthday party” I agreed and rehearsals began. When is the party? We need enough material to play a full set. Which then became 2 sets, which became 3 sets. A lot of time spent rehearsing and then the party. We were a big success ,with our friends and family! Then came the offer to play NYE Y2K. Offer accepted. Somewhere during the 3rd set the drummer said “I’m not doing this anymore”. Of course more gig offers came and no way to fulfill them. Flash forward to pre-pandemic and friend says what about an acoustic duo? We Start to practice and then COVID!! I really enjoyed the collaborative experience and playing with people was definitely good for my Limited skills but I just don't want to devote the time for a poor ROI. I am very conflicted but doubt ill ever play out again. The music world is not missing much... me I’m not sure

arniez

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Playing in a band has been a long cycle for me. Less after college when I moved away, was working and making some money and finding other things to chase after work. A lull when kids were in school. But never lost interest in guitar and music.

I have been playing more the past year than ever, not a drag thanks to two good bunch of people I’m playing with. Will see what think this year, expect to be playing a lot (for me).

I have let go of things having to be a certain way, more go with the flow and enjoy. Stay out of adjusting the PA, someone else will do it. Be flexible on arrangements and harmony parts. Don’t play too many gigs.  If you are used to controlling everything, it is an adjustment.

Sorry to say I don’t personally know any HFC members but would like to meet some. Suggestion - get a list of 10 or so songs for all. Those geographically close may be able to arrange a jam. Or be able to sit in when a trip is possible.

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42 minutes ago, BoogieMKIIA said:

Sorry to say I don’t personally know any HFC members but would like to meet some. Suggestion - get a list of 10 or so songs for all. Those geographically close may be able to arrange a jam. Or be able to sit in when a trip is possible.

There have been a bunch of regional HFC jams and there was also the annual HFC jams at the factory, and a couple of super-cool Chicago area jams put together by some super-incredible players/HFC'ers.  A lot of the HFC'ers who are still gigging often end up with a local (or "Everywhere" traveling) HFC'er sitting in during a set.

Definitely worth setting up with some of the local gang!

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