Morons at gigs

[MCChris]

The best audience idiots are the one's who find the mic you're recording the gig with. (No matter the obscurity of its location, someone will find it.) I've gotten conversations on tape that top any lyrics I could ever write. Then there's always some a$$hole in the know (typically a friend of the drummer's, why is that?) who feels compelled to walk up to said mic (during your best performance of your favorite song, ever) and say goodnight to the band. Yes, we'll all be just thrilled to hear from you when we're playing back the CD in the morning... Grrrr.

Next time set up a dummy mic that you've smeared with dog shit.

[darc]

"Next time set up a dummy mic that you've smeared with dog shit."

Tell you what, I'll give you half a twenty to take care of that mic, the other half when I get it back clean.

[BillW]

I used to think the problem was alcohol... and, in fact 95% of the time that is the heart of the problem. Alcohol and idiocy do not mix, but of course they always seem to go hand in hand.

The biggest and most common pains have already been mentioned:

1. Oddball requests - why on earth would we know any Waylon Jennings when we've just finished a set of STP, Rage, Sublime and Green Day?!?!? It's happened 100 times yet I still get amazed.

2. I want to perform - Most of the time they are truly embarrassingly awful, otherwise they don't know when to get off the stage.

3. "Excuse Me" - what part of me singing into a mic makes you think we should just stop what we're doing and have a conversation with you right now?!?? Again, it's happened 100 times yet I still get amazed.

4. Bribery - OK, soo....we're getting like a grand for this, but if you throw a dollar or five at us we'll just do whatever you want. We are, after all, just music whores and with that dollar ( split up amongst the 4 of us ) we couldn't even place a public phone call ? This one's kind of iffy though, our drummer is always up for trying anything for a buck.

The truth? Alcohol really is the problem but you can just look at it and go "well, they're drunk" and even though it's a true pain in the ass at least it makes sense. What gets me is the stupid requests and stuff that happens from sober people.

I've finally decided that this is just what happens, and it's going to keep happening and it's probably best to just try and shrug it off. So far that has helped keep the 'fun' in it.

Did I ever tell you about the drunk chick who threw her panties on the stage at Dibbo's ? They were ...uhh...ahem ...crusty.

- Bill

[tobereeno]

Next time set up a dummy mic that you've smeared with dog shit.

that reminds me...once at a gig at the Paradise in San Francisco, the singer and I get into it over him wanting to bow out of soundcheck so he can have extra time to preen himself. Anyways, it goes unresolved and he goes off to do his makeup and hair before we go on. I'm left alone with the gear setup on stage after soundcheck, when I come across the nastiest microphone I have ever had the misfortune to smell. After a half second of mulling it over, I swap that with the lead singer's mic and walk away satisfied. I will never forget looking over as we started the set and the priceless look on the singer's face as he caught a noseful of that mic. He hadda go through the whole gig with that thing in his mouth., trying to sing, play bass, look cool, and not vomit, all at the same time.

After the gig I find out what was the source of the odor - the previous night, a gay punk band played there and the singer for that band managed to shove the whole SM58 right up his ass on stage.

[kizanski]

After the gig I find out indirectly the source of the odor - the previous night, a gay punk band played there and the singer for that band managed to shove the whole SM58 right up his ass on stage.

Folks, I think we have a winner!

[pesocaster]

Tobe....... DAMN! .... that's it... Damn.......

[Craig]

Tobe - that's great!! HAHAHAHA looks like Maynard Keenan strikes again! (Was banned in Buffalo for shoving a mike up his ass onstage in the early 90's)

[Brownsound]

Loud shiney things attract stupid people...what can I say. I was at an ouside gig and it had just finished raining. I sat and watched as this rocket scientist poured gas all over a large bonfire pile.....and his legs. Well, when he lit the fire, it ran up him as well. Instead of dropping to the wet ground he took off running as fast as he could through the woods....he was burned very badly...and I giggled like a school girl....!!!!