Being in a band with your spouse/partner

[polara]

I've given up on finding a solid replacement drummer for my old band Zero to 60. It happens that Bob, our bass player, is a good, non-flashy drummer so we're stripping down to drums and guitar, with my wife Linda singing, a la Yeah Yeah Yeahs. She used to front a synthpop band in Sweden and has the voice and looks to be a really good edgy front for the band. It'll take some interesting adjustments to our songs and the writing of a lot of new material but I think it'll result in something genuinely unusual.

We all are pretty similar in terms of personality: talkative, a bit goofy, not too argumentative. We all love Townes Van Zandt, though from there our musical tastes diverge: Linda goes toward Depeche Mode, Bob toward Doves/Oasis/Blur Britpop, I toward Secret Machines/Killing Joke/Muse heaviness.

Any success stories from those of you who've partnered musically with your um... partner? I think I need reassurance. In the 90s I played in the Anne Richmond Boston band, and while the positives included a 3-1/2 star Rolling Stone review and that same rag naming her one of the Top New Faces to Watch This Year or something, the equally talented Rob Gal (the Coolies) was the band's guitarist and also her husband... so at times it was a bit like being in the middle of Fleetwood Mac! Any tips for soothing the member of the band who is NOT married to anyone else? Bob's being a great sport and is enthusiastic and I don't want him to feel like the third wheel...

[DavidE]

The singer/keyboardist/bassist/guitarist I'm working with now has been in various bands with his wife for many years and they're just the right type of people to make it work. For a while they were even working day jobs in the same place.

[tomteriffic]

Most Esteemed Redhead and I have been a duo and sometimes trio for 15 years. It has worked well for us, without things being too schmoozy-cutesy. We're not above using our husband-wife situation for gags and laughs in the show, though. We've recently added an old friend as a bassist and it has worked out well, he brings a lot to the party and his input and participation are highly valued. I'm not sensing any "us against him" stuff or any silly politics going on.

I'd be the first to say, though, that it really depends on the people involved. If there are overblown egos or unusual sensitivities present, well, I'd be inclined to think that there would be rocky road ahead, regardless of anybody's marital status.

[m chops]

In the band I was in, drummer was husband and vocalist was wife. Life with the Bickersons got old.

In a way, it was like my kids when they were in middle school. If one didn't start it, the other would.

As long as you treat one another well, shouldn't be a problem.

[Thundernotes]

It depends on the people involved. I think it can work, and probably makes for one less scheduling headache.

I've worked with bands where there was a couple involved, but it usually a very talented but p-whipped guy dragging in his less-than-talented wife/girlfriend as a condition of her letting him out of the house. Yoko all over again.....

Sounds like you've got a good situation there. If your friend is cool with it and you don't have personal stuff leaving him sitting alone while you guys argue in the next room, I think it will be fine!

[diablo175]

I played lead guitar in a cover band that featured a married couple- he on guitar, she singing and adding a little keys or tambourine. They have a great repore and never had issues or if they did, kept them seperate from the band. They were most definitely a team. Bumped into them last weekend at the store and they are still playing together and wanted to know if I was willing to fill in on lead guitar again.