HFC Comedy

[Stike]

I've read some funny assed stuff here over the years, what's been stuck in your head that still cracks you up? I remember Bruiser Brody once called EVH "king shit of fukk mountain", or was it the other way around? There have been plenty of Rechts moments too not to mention the link to $10,000 PAF's thread.

Edited to add, while not read on the board when I was bar hopping with Jeff R. a couple weeks back he made reference to Lemmy Kravitiz(No I did not misstype that) and that is still really cracking me up. I might have to do that for Halloween.

[thecajunboy]

"king shit of fukk mountain", or was it the other way around? 

King fukk of shit mountain

king mountain of shit fukk

mountain king of fukk shit

fukk shit of mountain king

mountain of king fukk shit

I think we need some clarification here.

[ceeb]

The Hamer neon light on Ebay. someone here posted "It really isn't a light, It just reproduces illumination"

That was at least 2 years ago, and still makes me chuckle.

[MCChris]

The $20 bill torn in two is an enduring classic, mainly because the original poster was actually serious about it.

[Jeff R]

"I've been in at least 100 fistfights" still keeps me LOL

And I still laugh my ass off when I think about the controversy surrounding this thread and Buzzy's take on it...

[Rockola]

Buzzy, didn't you have one of the thread over Lake Geneva?

Too many to recollect, these come to mind;

~Rechts' photoshop of Mr. Fung setting Mr. Peabody's Way-Back Machine to 1977

~ChromeCaster reflection of Greg/Kiz/Poe

~KissFan et al. and the Elizabethan 'adieu' was astounding

~This was a good thread too...

[Guest galejt]

the Elizabethan 'adieu' was astounding

Who has this? I thought I was dreaming it existed.

Byron

[JohnnyB]

Several of Rechts' photoshopped gems have had me guffawing at the screen.

One that sticks out for me was when no one could reach BCRGreg on the phone for a couple days, and Rechts took that shot of a guy at a public phone, up to his shoulders in a flood. With a subject line reading, "The Reason no one can reach BCR", Rechts photoshopped Spiderman in there, calling BCR and asking if they had Prince Albert in a can.

[Cheap Chick]

Pretty much any Ed Rechts thread is a good bet for the entire top ten. Let's not forget the infamous HFC towel (an Ed Rechts invention)! I will be selling those on QVC shortly.

[Rockola]

I plucked sweet laughing roses from the spray,

Wherewith the world wears on its warring way

I would not struggle with this spell, my lords

'Tis true, forgivenesss is fleeting as the relentless harpies bend mine branches yet again

But they who strive with thought can tell how vain, how sad mine strife.

I am as frayed as a sharkfin plectrum following an evening’s discourse of Byrd’s medleys.

Have I not suffered torments and despair,

Yea, all the agonies of living death in one day?

Have they not penned me far from all noblest intention, and anguished me with misery of dread,

Of dread most dreadful, lest, because my tongue refused with Judas-words to minister to their foul thirst for blood?

The hellish might of angered tyranny should wreak its threatened vengeance on mine mournful brow!

Have I not endured, with voice deliberate and rigid smile, the slings and arrows of sleepless vengeance?

I know not what afflicts this coterie, what cankers this parish?

Of falsehoods clustered round some unkind truth,

Perhaps some half-imagined trifling slight, or tis envy of my Deizel amplification and my marbled SS? These comforts and joys rendered unto me by Our God as rewards for mine dedication to the leasing of the back-hoe and the iron hand-cranked toilet serpent?

Newbies! Virgins! Here my cry!

Sorrowful thou now knowest why!

Woe throbbest within my breast, murmuring at mine lot, cursed as the spider in a storm-drain, or the hapless squire whom ill-rendered image of the crimson lute, in the tempestuous bazaar known as “eBay”.

With my waning strength I bid my mourning end,

And Memory in the tomb descend,

Again, dearest Mike_C.

Again, noblest greg_c.

But freely I hot tears now shed til weariness must sleep.

Oh, prithee slumber once again, rest, rest, oh! foolish heart,

Simon and Simon2 comfort me not in this darkest hour; Lo, and my wife is at my mother-in-law’s.

I shant darken this door again, my lords!

I will not vex thee with my misery!

I will not chide at thine inconstancy!

Mine eyes grow lustreless from tears and my breast bitter at these present days.

The hour of hope forever hath floated by and whelmed beneath a wide sea of distress.

I shall forever-more cleave mine left hand to the fretboard in the quiet fortress of my studio,

Toiling on with strength and skill and flawless technique

Asking not who the road have trod, or why thine knoweth not

I clad my sole progeny in the proud crest of the Spidered-man

Let them blame me, shall their words have such power thy soul to shake?

Adieu, HFC board. Adieu!

edited to rejoin: FROM HELL'S HEART I STAB AT THEE!!!!!!

[Jack C]

Joe's comeback tour with special guests Simon and Simon II was pretty entertaining. I think that spawned the whole P90 Duotone mess. I also enjoyed watching the Rechts/AnDy battles from the sidelines. There are some pretty proficient smartasses here.

[copper blue]

I'd say the illumination vs light was pretty funny stuff...Rechts wit is rapier sharp, I'll give him that!

[ceeb]

In the context of Nightwolf's solid state vs tube amp thing it was much funnier. Not that Ed didn't have me rolling with his cannibal story.

[alpep]

In one of the many attacks on my business and character rechts described my business as "someone sitting around in their basemen, like a bearded demeted avon lady waiting for the phone to ring"

irony is avon ladies go door to door.

I always chuckle when I am called a trunker also.

[Buzzy Fretts]

Hey Jeff!

Thanks for the vote! My vote would of course go to Rechts- too many to remember. Jay, you gotta come out to the natural history museum one day.

As far as the original thread, I found my original capture, and the prize goes to Ted for starting it all:

Afterwards, the thread started turning up all over the place. I can't find all of em. Lake Geneva? I don't remember but if it did, I hope there was smoke rising from the shoreline. It id certainly pass over NY along the way....

Until the thread finally came to rest somewhere in Pacific NW...

[hardheartedbill]

Sharkfin pick is my fav

[wyldbil]

Sharkfin pick is my fav

Bill, I have a few of those in my pick drawer if you want a couple!

[hardheartedbill]

I'll send you half a 20 for those picks and after they meet my rigorous standard I'll pay you the rest, cause I know how you ( and your type ) are

[anotherfreak2]

HA HA HA!!!!!!

[Turdus]

Well.... first their was this little guy that gave the HFC quite a bit of material:

Then... somebody went missing, and Rechts spotted this picture:

And when Abner came along, we figured out who he was:

[RichF]

The half a twenty story is a favorite of mine.

[MrGuitarguy]

I don't think I am allowed to post the animated pancake, bunny and bombpop pictures of BCR Greg anymore. LOL!!!!

Everyone used to like this joke though:

A bar in New Orleans employs the greatest pianist on the world. As a result it is world famous and people come from all over to hear the pianist play. Unfortunately, one day the pianist dies of a heart attack. Months go by and patrons stop frequenting the joint due to the loss of its star attraction. The owner, nearing bankruptcy places ads in newspapers all over the world looking for a replacement. The are no responses to these however because everyone is afraid to try to follow the former pianist.

One day an old bum walks into the bar. He clothes are torn and he hasn’t showered for weeks. He says to the owner, who is slumped over with his head on the bar, “I hear you’re lookin’ for a piano player.” The owner startled by the man’s comment looks up. Upon seeing the man his hope sinks again. “Do you play?” the owners sighs. “Well I play a little bit.” The bum replies. “The piano’s over there. Just go play me something.” The owner says returning to his original position of despair on the bar.

The bum begins to play and suddenly the owners head shoots up. The bum is amazing, better than the last pianist! The owner rushes to the side of the piano and after the song is over he asks the bum “That was beautiful, what do you call it?” “This old man got the clap.” says the bum. “What?!?!” says the owner, “How can you call something so beautiful… never mind, just play me another.” The bum begins to play and his next piece is even more amazing than his last. “That was incredible!” says the owner, “What do you call it?” “This old woman got depressed after she came down with syphilis so she jumped out a window and…” “Stop!!! These songs are so beautiful, how can you name them these terrible things?!?” said the owner. “Look it doesn’t matter, here’s $500. Go get yourself a cleaned up and get suit. Your first performance will be tomorrow night. JUST DON’T TELL ANYONE THE NAMES OF YOUR SONGS!” The bum agrees, takes the money and heads out to get cleaned up.

The performance is packed with people from around the world. The bar is raking money. The bum looks much better and the recital goes perfectly. The bum gets up to take his bows after the show. He goes the left side of the stage, the center, and finally the right side. As he takes his last bow on the right an old woman in the front says “Excuse me sonny, but do you know your pants are unzipped and your balls are hanging out?” The bum looks directly at the old woman and yells, “Know it? Hell, I wrote it!”

[Tres Aardvarks]

I don't think I am allowed to post the animated pancake, bunny and bombpop pictures of BCR Greg anymore. LOL!!!!

you mean this???

[BCR Greg]

I like that shot.

[silentman]

The half a twenty story is a favorite of mine.

I'm proud to say that I was the one responsible for getting that resonse from the webbed one after a gig with horrible sound!