Getting your wife's permission to buy a Hamer

[salem]

I'm just wondering, if a wife has a good job, and her own money, do you think she needs her husband's permission to buy herself a hat, or new shoes, or a really nice purse? I don't think so; it's her money, she earned it.

Yet often on the guitar forums a husband will talk about incurring the wife's wrath if he even thinks about buying a new guitar. I think this pattern starts even before the marriage, where a man will fall into the position of needing his girlfriend's approval and validation to get her to stay with him.

How about you? Do you need your wife's permission to buy a guitar?

[Mad Man Mike]

I did not seem to have that problem. My wife supports me the whole way if I am looking at a git fiddle. She wants to see me excel in playing the guitar. Ask BCR Greg about how my better half is on this subject.

I do not need her permission to get a guitar but it is nice to at least get her blessing in buying one.

[atquinn]

My wife and I have separate "fun money" accounts; she doesn't care what I spend my money on. Anything else would be lunacy since she doesn't spend money on anything and I don't save anything. Plus I'd feel guilty about spending "our money" (which is what I consider everything we earn) on something as frivolous as guitar gear, so this lets me spend guilt-free.

-Austin

[m chops]

We have a don't ask dont tell policy. And the fact that everything gets shipped to the office makes it a lot easier.

[jwhitcomb3]

I don't really think it's about permission to buy any specific item. We just have to agree what our general priorities are and if one or the other starts making big purchases outside of those without first talking about it this can cause some problems.

That said, I'm the one behind my recent guitar purge, not my wife.

-Jonathan

[DavidE]

Nope. But I only spend money earned from gigging or selling gear. And I use that money to buy her gifts as well.

[Brooks]

I did not seem to have that problem. My wife supports me the whole way if I am looking at a git fiddle. She wants to see me excel in playing the guitar. Ask BCR Greg about how my better half is on this subject.

I do not need her permission to get a guitar but it is nice to at least get her blessing in buying one.

+1. she's never said boo about me buying gear, but i typically don't spend more than $500, & have never spent more than $1100. plus, she can't say anything when she has 6 horses and 2 trailers.

maybe thats the key! get your wife an expensive hobby!

[kizanski]

Who was the sage HFC-er that coined the expression, "It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission"?

Genius.

[Craig S]

Nope. But I only spend money earned from gigging or selling gear. 

Same here.... I'm not gigging anymore so the funds aren't coming in like they used to, but my gear lust has decreased also. I need to rectify the gigging situation and find a new band

[polara]

We just have a general guideline that for any purchase over a hundred bucks or so, we tell the other first, as we share one bank account and try to set joint priorities (savings, home improvements, etc.) In the last year I've bought and sold quite a few chunks of gear and oddly have come out a couple hundred bucks ahead. The guitars I own basically aren't gonna LOSE value unless I tip 'em over and break the headstocks so it's not a big deal to tie up five hundred dollars in a guitar I'll clear $510 on six months' time when I see something elae I want

[ArnieZ]

My wife is generally encouraging when she knows it's something I really want. She has more of a "live for today " philosophy than I do. I generally fell a little guilty spending on myself, though I've been able to overcome that fairly often As of now I have never used any monies other than my own crazy money. My wife did buy me an Artist Korina for my 50th, and while I was overjoyed with the guitar I was a little upset that she used $ from the household. When she told me it was a choice between the guitar or a party, I shut up! She's really been great about my indulgences.

ArnieZ

[jerseydrew]

I don't tell my wife sh!t. Everything gets shipped to my workplace.

[Guest galejt]

Who was the sage HFC-er that coined the expression, "It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission"?

Genius.

Absolutely agree on the "Genius" part.

I, for one, wouldn't mind sponsoring an honorary post mortem membership for the author of the phrase "It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission" so she will be remembered for more than her pitiful little accomplishments.

Admiral Grace Hopper

[guymandude]

As long as we have the money my wife doesn't care. I also use money from selling gear which I usaullly profit on.

[darc]

My wife was almost talking me into buying a Belew signature Fly the other day. I actually had to take a deep breath and tell her it was a crazy idea!

[MCChris]

My wife has no problem with it. But that didn't stop me from interecepting the FedEx guy at the front door last Saturday before he could ring the doorbell, and rushing down to the basement with the package while she was on the phone in the back room. Reflex action, I guess LOL!

[lonote049]

My wife could care less about what I buy, sell and trade; she figures that's my business. Since I either trade stuff or use my gig money, she doesn't feel the need to interfere. Besides, she bought my fretless Jazz Bass and my upright for me.

[Willie G. Moseley]

I'm married to a government accountant who is, at the present time, the breadwinner, and we both have $ accountability within our home and communicate about such. When I demonstrated that anything I bought could probably sold for more $ than I paid (unlike most other hobbies/fun projects) she was impressed, and now doesn't question the long cartons she occasionally sees being packed or unpacked in my home office. Bottom line, it's about love and trust. The fact that your wife earns more than you can, and perhaps should, figure into it as well, although the present status hasn't always been the case over the duration of our marriage. You need to learn to adjust.

That being said, there was a time (as I've noted on this board before) when my interest (more in playing music rather than collecting) turned into an obsession/outlet/escape in the mid-'70s, and it was instrumental (pun intended) in the failure of my first marriage...but I would emphasize there wasn't any financial irresponsibility by me involved (and there never has been over the decades). One would suppose to what extent a male is "into" his guitar-buying/collecting interest would be a portion of how "involved" a wife is concerning the financial facet, as well as other facets.

[ZR]

I mainly use money from giving guitar lessons and/or gear sales. I'll usually sell a guitar to get a guitar ...that kind of thing. We have 2 kids going to college soon so I don't like to use general household funds unless I really need to.

If she ever gives me crap about it I say" So, you've never really ever told me...how much does it cost to do your nails and hair all the time?" Then she changes the subject and we start talking about the weather or something!

We've been married for 22 years. This works for us. YMMV

[Guest pirateflynn]

Ahh......the wife excuse.

Never have used it.

[MrGuitarguy]

Not married (dodged that bullet!) and everything I buy is a tax write off!! Whoo-hoo!

[mattb]

I don't have to get permission but I like to share with the lil' lady that I am thinking about making a major purchase. It's mainly to make sure that she's on board and I wont have to deal with an arguement later about it. All my recoridng gear purchases have held me up from buying any new guitars for a long time. I have another amp I want at this point but after that I will line up for another nice guitar. Probably an Anderson Cobra. She supports me with purchases as long as I am not digging into bill/mortgage money. At this point the majority of my gear money is tied up in recording gear. I only own 4 electrics and a few amps at this point so she can't really get on my case about that.

-MattB

[BadgerDave]

My wife and I have incomes that are close to equal. We decided long ago to maintain completely separate bank accounts. Any major household purchase or expense is split 50/50 after we decide to spend the money. I pay the mortgage every month. She pays all of the grocery, utility and miscellanious expenses.

Our checking, savings, retirement and and discretionary accounts are completely separate. We do some joint retirement planning, but we don't combine funds.

IMO, this is a near utopian way to run a household. I have never asked her permission to buy a guitar, car, or anything else. I'll occasionaly ask for her input, but she doesn't get a veto. Same for her - she uses her money to buy what she wants and never even thinks about asking permission. As a result, we haven't had an argument about money in 15 years!

As for guitars, she is mildly interested in what comes in and out. All of my guitars and basses are displayed in our home - 5 in the family room and the rest in a basement room that I finished as a "guitar room".

[pesocaster]

Have a music fund.... All from Gigs / Lessons / gear sales..... it has paid "house" bills from time to time.... no complaints on the money side.... however, until I get my music room finished all the cases and goodies all over the house make her a little nuts from time to time... Permission.... no ... I've got a very cool supportive wife...

[unobuc]

I never tell her about a purchase because she defaults to an anti-purchase posture. I just let the delivery happen when its too late for her to protest. I have only bought/sold guitars as of the last 2 years so the activity is kind of new for both of us.

I keep a semi-constant number of geets such that if I buy one then I will sell another so as not to just accumulate them. She has now found a comfort zone with my hobby, and it certainly helps that I do not buy boats, guns, or golf clubs like many others in our family.