Most Pretentious Albums of All Time

[Willie G. Moseley]

Over the decades, there have been some albums that I've purchased that were so awful and/or pretentious (there's a difference in the terms) that I threw the cassette or disc out the car window before it had even played through once. Said albums were, many times, a buncha noise as far as I was concerned---and please understand I happen to have Blue Cheer's VINCEBUS ERUPTUM and OUTSIDEINSIDE both on CD, which means the albums I trashed were, uh, "noisier" than those decibel-laden milestones.

Such gratuitous "I can get away with this because I'm a rock star" mentality on pretentious releases often represents some of the very rare occasions I might have agreed with some music "critics" (who are probably frustrated musicians themselves).

However, if it's one I personally dislike but a lot of others like, I've always felt like you need to be able to cite legitimate reasons why you think it's pretentious (i.e., just "it sucks" doesn't cut it).

Off the top of my head, I'd like to nominate the following, but may think of others later:

1. METAL MACHINE MUSIC (Lou Reed): Static from audio receivers

2. MACHINE LANGUAGE (Warren Cuccurullo): Noise

3. TUBULAR BELLS 3 (Mike Oldfield): An import (and I paid import price), and it has barely any resemblance to the first two "versions".

4. Anything with Sid Vicious participating

5. JAMMING WITH EDWARD (Rolling Stones): Half-ass jam session

6. WORD OF MOUTH (Merryweather): Some nobody brought in a buncha players like Steve Miller and Dave Mason for something hyped on the cover sticker as a super jam session, and everybody embarrassed themselves in the effort.

7. THE MASKED MARAUDERS: One of Kim Fowley's more memorable L.A. cons. The players were unidentified and were supposedly masked when entering and exiting the studio. This was a direct ripoff from a ROLLING STONE (the magazine) phony story, which the periodical owned up to.

8. Anything with William Shatner participating

Others?

[killerteddybear]

There was an outfit from Toronto named "ZON" back in the eighties. Wretched.

[DavidE]

Pretentious: Operation Mind Crime by Queensreich. How you go from a cool metal band with a tune like Queen of the Reich to a pink floyd wanna be I'll never know.

One that was both ridiculously pretentious and a throw away: That crap Garth Brooks did as Chris Gaines. What a moron.

[seeker]

George Harrison - Electronic Sound. An audio account of Georgie learning to use some new equipment.

[Guest Mike Lee]

I heard that Lou Reed did Metal Machine Music in order to get out of a recording contract, or to meet the requirement of one. They had to get an album from him, and he gave them one that no one would want. Pretty funny IMO.

[Stike]

Kilroy was here, thanks Willie!

[Jeff R]

This thread takes too much thought, Willie. I ate this one and the Jefferson Starship post at the same seating.

Start a thread like "the first CD you cranked while you got your dick sucked." Encourage pix.

Just a thought/advice. The HFC is a lifestyle.

Edited to add: "Pretentious" ain't in my vocabulary.

[Mindseyes]

This thread takes too much thought, Willie. I ate this one and the Jefferson Starship post at the same seating.

Start a thread like "the first CD you cranked while you got your dick sucked." Encourage pix.

Just a thought/advice. The HFC is a lifestyle.

Edited to add: "Pretentious" ain't in my vocabulary.

ROTFFLMFAO.........I just had beer threw my nose......thanks Jeff

[edgar_allan_poe]

The Styx album with Mr. Roboto on it...good lord that was dreadful.

[BCR Greg]

I just looked at that pic on Mindseyes' post and forgot what the fuck I was gonna say.

[Guest pirateflynn]

"the first CD you cranked while you got your dick sucked."

Molly Hatchet - Flirtin' With Disaster

Although it was an 8 track and no pix!

[BCR Greg]

"the first CD you cranked while you got your dick sucked."

What was playin' over the yard at county lockup when it first happened to you, Jeffro?

[Willie G. Moseley]

The thang is, Jeffro, a lot of the pseudo-intellectual threads I occasionally promulgate here are in the interest of collecting profundities or japes for a future anthology; hopefully this isn't too egregious and/or self-exculpable.

Actually, I do remember that the first time I really, really kissed a girl, "Darlin' Be Home Soon" by the Lovin' Spoonful was playing on the car radio...I think Fleetwood Mac's "Sunny Side of Heaven" may have been playing when the act you described occurred. It'll be interesting to see if this thread now veers in that direction.

Thanky; I just put my thesaurus back on the bookshelf.

[Feynman]

My first was accompanied by the New Age music that came with my 'Extra Flexibility through Yoga' video.

Original question brings to mind Alanis Morrisette as one of the peaks of naive pretentious bitchdom. Oh! And 'When the Children Cry' by White Lion. Guy solved all the world's problems from behind his mic - "No more presidents / and all the wars will end." Brilliant.

[Willie G. Moseley]

Hot damn! Two zingers (Jeff and Feynman) in one thread (so far)!

[Mindseyes]

I just looked at that pic on Mindseyes' post and forgot what the fuck I was gonna say.

being in a band and photo shoots are fun.........................

[BCR Greg]

More of the girl.

NOW.

[Feynman]

More of the girl.

NOW.

+2

[Matt Mattson]

More of the girl.

NOW.

Look closely. I think there's a bulge in that photo. I'd be cautious, "she" might have a dick bigger than you do.

[hamerboy_]

Joe Satriani - Engines of Creation. Unlistenable.

Metallica - St. Anger. The worst snare drum ever recorded. And the de-tuned guitars didn't help much either.

Why pretentious? Because both acts thought they could survive jumping on a musical "bandwagon", changing their style drastically without alienating their fanbase. No dice. At least Joe came to his senses and went back to doing what he does best on his last couple of albums. The jury is still out on Metallica.

And anything by Rage against the machine. They define the word pretentious. They're political rantings rate up there with Keith Olberman.

-Bobby

[Crwth145]

Does this one qualify?

Listen to bad-ass Pat's cover of Holy Diver...

[tafkathundernotes]

To answer Reeshard's question: Triumph - Allied Forces, and that was years before CD's were available!

Now, on to Willie G's question about pretense: What first comes to mind is anything that reveals the mindset of "I'm famous, so anything I say about politics is relevant" qualifies. That would include most music by Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen, U2, and Don Henley.

As for those who are accomplished musicians then deciding to release albums of their mindless noodling or a re-hashing of their old stuff, the winners are Styx for that Mr. Roboto album, and anything the Rolling Stones have done since '75.

[Steve Haynie]

The promotion for the Beatles' 1 album was a lot of hype over another greatest hits package. Before that there was the old John Lennon unfinished tape of Free As A Bird with the other Beatles' voices dubbed in. They also made me mad when they remasted the old albums for CD and changed the mix of I Want You (She's So Heavy). The way the stuff was hyped you would think The Beatles were bigger than Jesus.

[DavidE]

"Now, on to Willie G's question about pretense: What first comes to mind is anything that reveals the mindset of "I'm famous, so anything I say about politics is relevant" qualifies. That would include most music by Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen, U2, and Don Henley."

You forgot Toby Keith.

[serial]

Brian Wilson's "Smile".

No one cares and you don't need 38 musicians on stage with you (I know that he was once a musical genius, but he can barely perform and it gets a bit painful to watch) doing uninspired below-average Beach Boys retreads.

Thirty years in coming? Wow. Kinda like Chinese Conspiracy, except that I've heard that that might actually be good-although I won't give a rat's ass about that after all of the game-playing by Ax-Hole.